Monthly Archives: November 2015

A Rain-Fall In Autumn

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I am standing in the midst
of mist and swirling grey streaked lengthy
with soft silver songs sung sighing
lost so long ago and dying

as the stone piled up on stone
oh so regal, stark and solid
now gives way to winds a crying
over years and years and yearstumblr_ngrktyoIJJ1u1lh4ho1_1280and the rains fall washing all
in the bittersweet wet fountains
of the coming Bright Steep Mountains
falling from Aurora Rainbow
Skies, landing on earth in ruinstumblr_nxbd6zzkpw1t33f7ao1_1280ruins, yes, in rain and ruins
I stand lonely and alone
and musky light smudges my cheeks
so wet and blood deserts my body
and runs to the earth between
my toes and there upon the soil
it does lay herself to dietumblr_nws9c5YRIC1thfeewo1_500alone
abandoned
and deserted6bb76-12132917_525671840926504_96677004_n

Only Different Now

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Be yourself only
different now
somehow
with all
that
grief.tumblr_mubepqA5O41qznczoo1_500In case you ever
thought that
you were just
a being, just
a humble
presencetumblr_lx4e3kosSN1qzwaddo1_1280you are not just
anything, you
mean something,
more than that
you mean
everything,tumblr_mplmt2mrm41rfp1lho1_r2_500because everything that
means something
beats inside
of you.Image 003

“…I’m STILL HERE!…”

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This line has inspired me for 40 plus years…literally.

Watch to the end…For I am committed to living to that…the end.

PS:  the irony of the fact that this movie is called “Papillon” is not lost on me!!

I Learned This Today

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Some days, survival is going to be hard and people are still going to look at you
in the way you hate, with eyes narrowed in judgement, words like quicksand
drawing you deeper and deeper into self doubt, self hatred when they tell you
in how many ways you are not beautiful.

On those days, look people in the eye and say
“I do not know how to be your version of beautiful, but I do know
how to be every version of strong, I am a survivor
and no one can ever take that away from me.”
— I Learned This Today | Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)tumblr_mthqw3QRvg1sex629o1_500

My Secret Strings

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Will any
fingers ever find
my secret strings
stretched taut inside?tumblr_nk4pmaU8hn1r3lgr9o1_500Intricate, delicate,
intimate, articulate
invisible to any eye
not naked, any heart
still dressed in sheaths
and robes and layers.tumblr_nxevjufjwU1turrjgo1_500I am
layers
I am
robes
and sheaths
(or rather,
I am
hidden
in  those swaddles)tumblr_nxf4g61Dqi1qat5pio1_500I am
those strings stretched
from Terebinthia to Gondolin
I am a song
played by wind
on window panes
by drops of raintumblr_mplmt2mrm41rfp1lho1_r2_500and lightning fingers
dancing cross
the crests of frothy waves
silver in the light
of hidden stars
and stormy moons.tumblr_nq5t0x2gLp1u1sz1oo1_1280I am
not accessible
to just
anyone,
and if you
find yourself
become bored
easily, then
shove off,
move along
go and listen
to the Beatles
or someone else
like them
(there are a million wannabes).tumblr_nf6v639d5W1txde3xo1_540But until
the Time
might ever
come, I still…
wonder…
will any
fingers find
my strings,
hands caress
my neck?tumblr_lx4e3kosSN1qzwaddo1_1280

Tonight Inside This Skin

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It’s lonely here tonite
and all alone inside
my skin

while music plays
and pretty soon
the air is filled with
shadow shades
that sing,

lament, remind me of
my failure to be what
you wanted, what
they wanted.

And there…

in yon wood there
sits the bear
in silverlight
there in the rising
dark and that bear
part and parcel
of itself and
of the wood

but me…alone
inside this skin
well, it’s lonely
here tonight
inside this skin

inside this skin
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Irrevocably Loved By God

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there dogwood lingers
lost in long and cooling nights
side by side with sassafras
brooding over browning grass

and sumac stands
with red oak and sheds
leaves in broad daylight
while maples paint

in crimsons, scarlets, purples
yellow brush upon the air
and splashed across
the transom of my heart.tumblr_nxd364udX81qat5pio1_500winds and rain come now
and colors muddle, fade to dull
and make their ready to fall down
into the soil dark that croons

and calls them to their fall.
and I am shattered in this fade
of yellow birch and maple red
the flower of spring is there unmade

and frost laments now come in lace
and nibble at my tender face
and precious profound beauty
here and gone and metumblr_nx6vxz9xeX1rum5sfo1_1280that hardest of hues to hold
as my life falls in leaves of days
is here and gone in just a wink
and nothing gold can stand untouched

and how is it, Eternal One
can love so strong and fierce this shade
who passes from the day to night
and fades into the mists?tumblr_nwyhsqnAN61rf0rtjo1_1280

 

 

The Seams of Our Beautiful Story

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And all this time
I thought I was
building you up
as you grew
and became.

I really never
realized (really)
you were breaking
so unbecoming
and I was failing bad.

It breaks
my heart to
know you were
ripping apart the seams
of our beautiful story.

And now
tatters, shards
shatters, shutters
mutters and
clogged gutters

and it
is too late
at last
I realize
alas.tumblr_nx8qibvnSO1rum5sfo1_1280

In Time To Come

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Touch me
with unconscious hands
Unaware but
not unknowing

Find me
with yearning heart
untroubled in
the mists of time.

For I am here
dying, Love,
dying on
this slum’bring vine

And I know
myself alone
now and in
time to cometumblr_nx65io1dU41qbwdm8o1_1280

Absence

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“Absence.

Absence, hear thou my protestation against thy strength, distance, and length.
Do what thou canst for alteration… For hearts for truest mettle.

Absence doth still and time doth settle.”tumblr_nfgx20zPD81qat5pio1_400

A Prayer For Healing

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Into the compassionate womb of your Love, Oh God
I bring my deepest needs, my strongest hopes, my greatest fears.
Give me tears for my grief, a voice that I might cry out unto You.
Give me words, that I might say what is most in my heart.
Give me courage, that I might always seek the healing You have to give.
Let me always offer my suffering to you, so that if healing does not come,
wisdom, justice, and compassion maybe its fruit.
A life offered to You, Abba God.
Amentumblr_nx9k8eT4EU1uufoudo1_1280

Behind Bars

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Behind the bars
of socialization
and choices made
unawares and assumed

I look and I long
to be set free quick
and to have my own day

to have my own day

In Mid-Air (Ode To Facebook)

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Your words,
tossed off
trumpeted out
staccato,
running trills

like some
Miles Davis
of the trivial
not-thought-thru

remark

leave me
set on fire
and hanging

in mid-air

I Love Mama’s Hands

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I love Mama’s Beautiful Hands
so dirty with me, with us.

I love that She is not distant from me
But draws close and plunges to muss

My hair, my heart, my head and my soul
She molds and She mushes and messes

And then She will wash me and clean me right up
And put pleats in my Lonely Tresses

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“Wisdom cannot be imparted.
Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart
always sounds like foolishness to someone else.
Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom.
One can find it, live it, do wonders through it,
but one cannot communicate and teach it.”
— Hermann Hesse

tumblr_nx1zyidMaV1qat5pio1_500

Waiting For The Winter Drums

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Blood Red Sunsets smothered by the sea
Parting birds flying south in songs of sorrow
Deep sad hymns are birthed deep within me
sung by longing winds unto tomorrow…tumblr_nw9z5u6IqP1r2zs3eo1_500The hawk screams and jumps,
grabs clawfuls of fading blue sky,
rips them loose from the fabric
of the dimming day…and then
away…While the red alder sees and sheds tears
in gold showers of dry rustly leaves
that spin and sigh and softly sing
a falling lament, a longing ode
to summer past and gone…Image 001All is falling upon the cooling soil

waiting for the winter drums

waiting for the winter drums…c4738d643c7e7cbc5e7ddd6e4e7114c8

My Face Against Your Glass

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The monolith of your decided thoughts
looms large in dreadfall shades and shadows stark
of lost judgments formed in historic fogs
and lacking light and love, short on comfort.tumblr_nvg1grSQMU1shqs68o1_1280

and I am shrieking-dwarfed in their shot gaze
unblinking, baleful red and white and black
for all those choices made back in lost days
in reactive guilt and in hidden shame
give recoil now to even the mere name
of who and what I am, what I am not.Image 001

and still I throw myself against those stones
those bastions large and looming, standing there
in granite ground into your heart and bones
that glass unbreakable that you have set
to look thru, thinking seeing is the same
as being, but it’s not, not even close.tumblr_nvznykpXfz1sii7h0o1_1280because you cannot touch me…no…not quite
…you will not touch me, that’s it, you will not
then I am naught…and my face…ohhh my face

my face against your glass red, blue and white

red and blue and white and I can’t get a breath

my face against your glass, your glass my death

Frozen White In An Instant

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I froze white
in an instant
just a glance
just seeing
everything

except me, eyes
bouncing here there
everywhere

except me, fingers
draping, dragging
dancing around

edges, middles,
dabbling in puddles
and oceans, seas,

except me
black hole
in the middle
of your
universe

A Morning Phase

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It’s a Morning Phase I’m in here,
walking in fogs and mists
thru familiar places long past
and gone but glimmering…

hinting,
haunting,
high above
in shrouded skies
wrapped in what?

Funereal splendour?
Swaddling clothes?
I can’t tell which
but then again
does it really
matter?tumblr_nx3vvj8fiS1simprco1_400They signify
the same.
And I pass
along the path
tumblr_nv9g3546sE1sfm44so1_1280dirt crunching
scrunching under
my trodding feet,
my padding feet
my tramping feet

looking for home

it’s a
Morning
Phase
I’m
in.
tumblr_nx36urf8XS1qa7gx5o2_r1_500

A Song For Autumn Without Music

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Could I leave the bright waves
and take to the blue skies?
Could I leave my cold skin
and sail into your eyes?

Is the moon high above
just reflecting to me
all the love that you hold
in your heart?

If the leaves on the trees
can turn red, yellow, gold
why can’t I find a heart
that will tenderly hold

my body, my spirit,
my mind and my soul
while the tale of my true
love is told?

Mount up!  Mount up!
Take courage on the wind!
Lift the hands of your sails on the waters!

Rise up!  Rise up!
Leave the surface behind and let the bow of your ship
carve the clouds on your way!

I will sail all the seas
I will follow the stars
I will listen behind the beauty
beyond what mars

And someday I shall come
to my sea-harbour home
I will finally rest
deep in you.

Yes I will finally rest
deep in you.

UNDONE

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Reblogging a poem by one of my favorite poets…this is truly breath-taking!!

Melissa Shaw-Smith's avatarMelissa Shaw-Smith

IMG_2557She was undone by small things
a lost button, a missed call, stale bread.
Her ribs could only expand to take in so much air
Guilt was a wolf’s shadow haunting
the end of her bed at night.
To darn a frayed patch gave her some satisfaction—
a wound remade with stout thread.
For brief moments she could make the world
stand still, cup water in her hands and watch
the pink light slipping through her fingers.
The veil was pulled back
skin against skin, moments so intense
tears burst from her eyes making her
laugh with joy and surprise.

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It Feels Weird To Me

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…like Grace Notes has become
an echo chamber and I am
speaking only to myself…

no matter…
I am liking my poetry,
and that pleases me.
tumblr_nww4huwCTR1r2zs3eo1_1280

To Skim Thru Night With Me

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I skim quick thru the darkling night
I skinny along those fissures deep
and rough faults in thick dark.

The sable satin curtain parts
and I slide thru, slide thru alone
and hot with dark-fire smoke.

My eyes flash flash light to light
and gleam within the velvet night
and promise there’s an end.

But you must strip off layers, yes
you must there disrobe complete
and scrub away the past

to skim thru night with me right here,
to skim thru night with me.

Evangelicalism, You Have Traumatized Me. – The Gay Post-Evangical

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Source: Evangelicalism, You Have Traumatized Me. – The Gay Post-Evangical

I am pressing this post…it is by way of confession for me.  I have done these things to people back in the old days…mostly in the early 90s, and my thinking well on the path of evolving and transforming by the late 90s…but I did them.

Said them.

Thanks be to our God of Love and Grace that They opened the eyes of my heart.

Someone I love deeply recently told me that they will never forgive me for those things said then…no matter that they ignore so much else.  They told me that I was not allowed to change my mind or views and that they would despise me forever if I tried to “claim” a road to Damascus experience and now “get off scot-free”.  They were cruel, intentionally so, and consigned me to their dungeon of never having status as a free person ever again.

Well…that was tough to read, and the choices that they make do not dictate my future nor deny me the grace of growing and changing and evolving.

But even if I spent my whole life in their dungeon, it would not make “right” the things I said and lived in those times…I truly thought I was saying and doing the right thing.

I was wrong.

In the spirit of forgetting what lies behind and pressing onward to the glory of God in Christ, I am rejoicing that I still have some years to help the ones in my life now who I have the chance to show grace to.

May any who read this who have been wounded and othered by the likes of such as I once was find healing in my confession…and may the ones who say they will never forgive quickly find opportunity to change their own views…it will broaden their forgiveness qualifications most helpfully, and empower them to forgive themselves.

 

Heart And Henna

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Mark my heart with loving henna
not with needle-inky hate
let me feel your brush-sienna
early, lasting, long and late

Worry not that it will fade
victim of time’s ceaseless flow.
I am inside, tender-laid
and marked by your faithful brush blow.

Ever shall your marks on me
Bind my soft heart to your own
So mark me love, with glyphs made free
Heart of hearts, Bone of Bone.