Just ran across the most beautiful and sad song that catches the essence of my heart right now
“”In a long forgotten book I read,
something that Augustine said,
in his deepest wound he found God’s Glory,
but I’m afraid that I’m too sick,
to conjure up that magic trick,
can I write myself into that story,
once had faith
but now it’s gone
I cut myself with stones and cry,
pretend, I’m not alone when I
fear that all along it’s only me,
kyrie, do you care?
Now…of course I have not “lost” faith…how could I? They found me and will never lose me…but it is poignant and haunting, this song, and I often lose hope that I will ever not feel outside and apart rather than a part.
Transgender Remembrance day draws close…it is so ironic to me that this day is so close to Veteran’s Day…one honors all…and one simply remembers those who died, and yet how impossible to remember anyone you never really knew, and then back to business as usual and the murder/violence rate continues to grow.
Sometimes the worst is that there are so many days thruout the year that I feel so utterly distant and forlorn that it feels like being erased from a day by others…a metaphorical murder…
…and other days I in essence commit spiritual suicide, the way that the dysphoria and my own failure conspire together.
Then there is the irony of the term…”Remembrance Day”…
Not a day goes by that I have forgotten or even could forget.