Running Canyons

She runs in the canyons
there beneath the smiles,
hidden in the miles.
Around her she throws gleams,
glints, she strews her favors in winter
like flowers cast by gathered throngs
lining her way, ostensibly cheering her on

but really just hungry for blossoms and blessings

and she looks with stark eye, assessing cost
beneath gleams, glints, under
dazzle-cast clouds hiding
and she’s striding, loping
like the lean wolf taught her
in those early years of lashing
words and cutting looks
and her fire unbreakable

burning in that flood that drowned…tumblr_njpnvaveEQ1qmew7go7_r1_250

it’s canyons for her
when it’s time to tap out.
They are really just the same
as the mountains that she runs
and talks about and paints pictures of
with words and heart brushes
except that no one else knows this,
or sees any difference.

But she
knows, loves
those dry,
clean walls
close and
carved of
living stone
and loving
survival long
wrenched from
the desert’s

She’s a true hermit, like those of old,
untouchable in this land and yet such
a product of its austere and strict demands
and she knows she’s a canyon herself,
majestic not in what remains but what is gone.

Sweat runs freely here, and carries toxins back
to their source in the sidewinders and scorpions
and stinging nettles so she doesn’t even bother
for pretty or cute and she has long ago arrived
in beautiful and assessed even that place for what it isn’t,

content with knowing what it is…tumblr_ngvvqwxx801suvylso1_1280

she runs in canyons, while I sit,
staring thru rain-streaked windows,
hunkered down in this Oregon deluge
so grey and green and clammy,
so ham-handed and drizzly
imitating the stony walls she runs between
and I absorb this water and channel it,
stream it, spray it against that unrelenting blue sky
that tears the rainbows right outta the water
and waves them like banners in the wind
so she can see where the pit stop is, pause, drink,
squint, wipe the sweat away

(gawd, that impossibly feminine gesture so implacably tough)

She is grit, she has sand…she runs canyons.wg441_ghost_1

Much love to you this day,
from your true friend
and heart sister


Do Justice. Love Mercy. Walk Humbly.
Love, Charissa

I Am Words

what am I?tumblr_nl51npc95T1sppftyo1_500besides being
a tranny bitch
a tranny freak
a shim
a shemale
a heshe
a waste of a perfectly good man
a river too fartumblr_nl2mgruxUx1thfeewo1_500that’s what I’m called
by others who other me
everyday each day
over and over
again and again.

and insults and slurs?
they are the costume
they make for me
to comfort themselves
while searching the mirror
and seeing themselves
while trying to get
a handle on me…tumblr_lvlbcphL9V1qeovheo1_500am i a singer
of this song that spins
out every day
into the ether
right here and then gone?tumblr_nhyknoYu2l1ty9vwwo1_1280am I a brush
grasped in a hand
waved at the world
leaving some streaks
of texture and color
smeared thick on the day?tumblr_n87ojhCmwL1tbmiowo1_1280I think I am words
for they never stop
welling inside me
piled up and pushing
there thru the darkness
under the bright stars
slicing the darkness
with brilliance and beautytumblr_nkyqm5ruDi1sjh145o1_1280i am my words
the brilliant and broken
the loving and least
in total summation
the holy and horrible
here all at once.tumblr_nknlxhy9yt1spygklo1_1280


Dust and Ashes Redux

I fear
being able
to soundly navigate
through noisy choruses.

I fear
the blind spots
that I have—
and nurture.

The will of God
involves giving our lives
for the sake of others
on this downward path
this downward path of Jesus
that I follow
or try to.

She tears
my clenched fingers
from my own throat
She says
put others
before me
(interests, preferences, desires)
and this putting
endures beyond
stronger than death.

is there a resurrection
from this desperate

is there a life raised
where I can matter
to someone
and result in
a shared existence

She says
I will only find out
when I seek not to save
but to lose my life

as I have said before
it is the season
of dust and ashes20150222_121045

Soft and Furious

words are all I have left,
soft and furious
like ocean waves
breaking on themselves
far out to sea
and lonely
because there are no rocks
to dash themselves ontumblr_nl3yxwcJaH1qz62xqo1_1280sometimes those words
get frozen inside my mouth
because everything around me
is cold and static
but the words are insistent
and well up inside me
soft and furioustumblr_nkibc3eZgO1r4d0svo1_r1_1280