I am learning to not do this so much? But I developed a bluff of laughter and self deprecation…and never let them see you hurt…ever. I remember in middle school…there was this group of 3 girls that I so desperately wanted to be friends with…so I plucked up my courage and began to befriend them…Cindy, Trina, and Maureen. I actually thought we were making great progress, and for about 3 weeks I freaking loved going to school each day. This was the 7th grade, by the way.
One morning I was looking for them in the halls early, and came up on them from around a corner, and was behind them. I was about to call out when I heard my name being mentioned and I sorta froze? And heard this: “yeah, and I can’t believe that stupid jerk thinks we like him!” Laughter then ensued in gales around them and I turned on my heel and went the other way, face of stone, heart of rubble and soul awash in sorrow.
I don’t believe I ever spoke to any of them again.
sigh…probably not the greatest quality to have, right?
But hey…I am still growing, learning to come out of the rocky crevices and join the rest of the human race!