Dear Constance…I would be honored if you would read the article I linked to above. It is about a real thing, a thing that I am experiencing more and more each day that goes by.
For real…transmisogyny is real. I know first hand.
I want to tell you something: if someone you know is transphobic and/or transmisogynistic, and you know better but do not stick up for the transgender people you know, then you are empowering that transphobia/misogyny.
They are not going to truly understand and get it that it is not okay to be that way until it hits them directly…affects them directly, and with consequences.
Constance…this is not the ranting of a shrill disenfranchised jealous outcast. I was for 53 years considered amongst the brightest and the best. I am a college graduate, with a 4.0 GPA since I was in the 7th grade. I was a respected speaker, thinker, and leader.
And then I committed “Gender Murder” when I chose to transition and become myself…I was guilty of two unforgivable sins in our patriarchy: first, choosing to be female when I could simply “be” male…and second: “wasting a perfectly good man” as I was told…literally told that.
Did you get that? To be a woman when I could continue to fake it as a man was a waste.
Cis-Sisters: when you allow transmisogyny/phobia to occur in your presence, you actually reinforce your own worth-less-ness in the eyes of the patriarchy in general and the person hating in specific!
Cis-brothers: when you allow people to hate on transgender people, especially when you allow other males to do that, you are tacitly hating too…and you are not only hating transgender people, you are devaluing your own wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers and female friends. You make a mockery of nobility and civility and honor.
I know, right? The nerve of me…pleading for sincere and honest action to back up words with.
But hey…it’s either that, and the potential discomfort it will cause for a bit, or it is stay silent, and work on that Transgender Remembrance Day Roster for next November…and you can sit in silence and feel good about your courageous acknowledgement of more dead people while their blood cries out in echo of the previous year’s…and the previous year’s…and…and…
My prayer is that one day we don’t even know what a transgender remembrance day is…because there is no more need for one.
PS: If you are reading and thinking “but I don’t even know a transgender person” then I will clue you in: you likely do, but don’t know they are transgender…and even if you don’t, then I ask why not? If you have sympathy with our plight, there are services you can volunteer with, there are transgender people who need help, and all of us need a friend.
PPS: And you still should make sure those around you know that it is not okay to be misogynistic/phobic, trans- or otherwise.
In serious stillness and love,