I’m Okay!

I really am…I have my joy, the one that has been with me this entire journey, Mama is hovering close to me, and She affirms my quest to seek after Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Gentleness, Kindness, Faithfulness, and Self Control…and says that when I am in the midst of those things there is no law that binds me…none!

Wow!!

For true and real…I am intact, okay and moving on.

I can no more police the gentleman’s behaviour (or anyone’s) than what they think of me actually makes me what they think.

Now…to move forward, and ask Them, Okay, so what’s my Mission!!??

I do want to thank some very special people…

Katie B, Kat C, little mama (you know who you are), Ace, all of you who have made just a few comments of encouragement,

…and you.

ddh.

you.

Do justly…love mercy…walk humbly.

Love, Charissa

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More Painful than what I feel for me…

…is the pain I feel for the individual whom I just met with…for 4 hours!  2 1/2 of that in seeking ways to turn aside his accusations towards me that were disguised as “concerns”…

…and even deeper is the pain I feel because he is so completely blind to his own arrogance, his own literal ignorance that was actually used as a trump card!  (“I don’t need research, I have the Bible”…omg just wow, that cuts sooo deep)

It ran the gamut…from an expressed concern that was inflated to the level of a prior divorce!  And yet, there has been not one time we have ever even had dinner or lunch or breakfast together!  Not one!

There was a lot of stuff, and it hurt.

BUT:  I am good, Constance…inside.  Not fractured and broken as I feared I may be.  I have seen the enemy now, and it isn’t this man or others like him…it is ignorance, fear, and habitual devotion to tradition.

Love,

Charissa Grace…under the Mercy and Okay!

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My New Acquaintance

I just made a new acquaintance…naturally I rushed over to his blog to peruse…and found this gem:

“Khudi ko kar buland itna ke har taqder se pehle
Khuda bande se ye poche bata teri raza kia hai”

(Raise thyself to such heights, That God Himself may Ask-What do you wish me to write your fate ?)”

Wow!  just WOW!!!!

Thank you so much for this…it resonates deeply with my own mission statement “Yielded Vessel Yielding Blessing” and also Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly.

Head on over, and take a gander or 3…you will be glad you did!

http://justacrazydreamer.com/ 

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Everyone can be wrong once…even buddists

“The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”

Monica Drake

Constance…saw this quote, and my first thought was “Oh well, everyone is wrong once in a while!”

It’s interesting to me that often the “exotic” or “unusual” perspective is granted a higher esteem or place, given the benefit of the doubt more than the usual.

While I certainly think it possible that this quote is that way for many, I can tell you unequivocally that in my life it is precisely wrong!

When I met my baby, and when I met my bff…it was not like this, until after.

Before?  It was confluence…Mississippi and Missouri melding…fire and ice meeting in love…

Baby…bff…so love you.  So thankful for you

and still pounding heart, shaky hands, and weak knees…for all time

love, Charissa Grace

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What I Want For Christmas

When I got home,
my thoughts were milling
like sheep round the shepherd
come to lead them to pastures green and waters still,
milling around you, around blessings, around treasure

my icons, symbols metaphors hung
on walls to glorify the ordinary and
reveal the one and only state
extraordinary…
i shared them with you.

then I went outside and picked tomatoes
in the breezy busy day,
early in autumn’s business
and not yet serious
about this fall into splendour.

I heard Mama rustle in the blue spruce
and then in the buzzy bees
in our strawberries
low and humble.

and then I knew what I want for Christmas.

I want to serve you and R Christmas Dinner…
my Prime Rib grilled and salty,
hot and tender and
dripping garlic splendour,
smoked turkey toothsome
and stuffed with a riot
of savory sage elements
and candy ham, salty salty
overlaid with maple glaze
and apricots…
and all the sides.

(potatoes mashed, candied, salad, cheeses, pies, green beans overlayed with crunch
and wine…yes.
I will show you wine, for real)

I want to share this Communion with you
as we laff into the night
and welcome yet again
the Babe into
this Prison Camp world
and shout to the ages
Ollie Ollie Oxen Free!!!

and all around us lights
and the thick green smell of
Hope eternal and renewed
and ornaments and baubles
adorning the Person of
our Adoration.

Yeah… That’s what I want for Christmas

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Trans* Women Are Not Drag Queens — Everyday Feminism

Trans* Women Are Not Drag Queens — Everyday Feminism.

Constance…yes, it is very early.  I cannot sleep.  Usually I am good until the dread 3 AM.  But tonight sleep is shy and skert of the potential I face for conflict today…

I am meeting with a person who has indicated that he has “great difficulty” with my choice to transition.

Think about that:  this is a person I see less than a half hour a day…a person that I run into infrequently in everyday life…and yet somehow knowing that I am transgender is a burden unbearable to him, and the choice to transition is anathema and repulsive to the point that he wants to meet with me, so he can…what?

Tell me I am a freak?  Tell me that I should not transition?  Tell me to just suck it up and tough it out?

What…does he really think he is more creative, more insistent than my own heart for the last 48 years???  That I have not said these things to me already…and worse?

How does his life change if I transition…and how does it change if I do not (which is too late, by the way…I am never going back.  It is Charissa Grace full and free or the grave)?

No…I think what he doesn’t like is that someone whom he knows and assumed many good things about is now acting in ways that are unexpected and unusual…and this is stretching him.  It is challenging his lil boxes and tightly drawn lines…it is forcing him to confront things without the luxury of being able to write off the source of the conflict as a monster or immoral pervert…for he knows I am not that.

I ran across this link again today…and I may have posted it once already.  No matter…it is a pretty good piece defining things well.  I ask that you please read the piece…

…and then give us the chance to be.  Please??

Charissa

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Rambling Thoughts at 3:00a.m.

Hi Constance…If you have read here for any length of time, you will know that I esteem and respect Kat greatly…her love and commitment to her loved ones is admirable and worthy. She captures in this post the astonishment that we feel, we who are transgender, when our deepest truth that most characterizes who we are is known…and then we are thought to be actually something freakish, something worthy only of a circus side show in spite of the fact we are still the exact same person.

Constance, when we finally gather courage and share our burden with you, it is because we long for your participation in our lives in a deeper and more meaningful way…it does NOT mean that we want you to punish us…with name calling…with hard attitudes and harder hearts, with intractable and implacable faces and spirits.

Here is a clue…your othering of us will not change us, will not cure us…but it might in fact just overburden us with despair and make all the difference in the world, and end up being that bullet in the gun that finally shoots us dead. I am talking literally, here

The power of life and death is in your mouth…but your mouth will only speak forth what is in your heart already. Life is already monolithic enough, difficult enough without the sort of othering and policing that goes on…and especially if you are family.

Please read Kat’s post…and hear the cry of her heart, and let your own be rendered in compassion and pity to the point that you would overflow to those around you who are thirsty.

Love, Charissa

Dandelion Fuzz

Why is it you have your most lucid thoughts late at night when you are supposed to be asleep?

I suspect this might take on more of the tone of a rant than a rambling. Instead of being that startlingly clear thought that I usually have just seconds before falling asleep only to try to recreate it by the light of day, this has nagged at me for awhile. And tonight it just won’t let go. When it has come to mind in the past- not quite formed….just a random thought… I could think about it, mull it over, write it in my head and fall asleep, probably in the middle of my most brilliant sentence. That is not the case tonight.

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Not long ago I had a conversation with a transgender friend about what her expectations were when she came out to her family. She said that she was…

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