A quick note about my exploration of the past…

Okay, so Mama told me not to despise the past.

However, I must confess that putting these songs up here stirs a lot of pain and sorrow.

Also, I think that I am a far more skilled poet than I used to be!

Or, at least I like my current stuff far more than what I was doing then.  It feels softer, gentler, more thoughtful and nuanced than the things from then…and it is definitely tempered by a lot more brokenness…

 

I think I will post on that sometime:  The Beauties of Brokenness.

 

Love,

Charissa Grace

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Between the Porch and the Altar (Scripture song, 1992)

One thing I used to love to do is take a passage of scripture that got into my heart and took up haunting residence there, and turn it into a song.  Often times, I tried to make these songs something that most people found current to their situation, or the situation of the body of believers at that time.

There is a creative art to first hearing the melody, and then to making words in English that fit the meaning of the passage with integrity.

Often, the end result was that there would be free singing at the end, and it was remarkable how often coherent, meaningful and very touching moments occurred with this, as the one with the impromptu song would sing, and the group would then echo call and response style.

This is one of those songs, taken from a highly prophetic and symbolic book, the book of Joel, and it is chapter 2:1-12)

Even now return to the Lord with weeping,
and rend your hearts and not your garments.
Come and sanctify the congregation,
and assemble the elders and gather the children

and the nursing babes…
and cry out to Him…

Let the Bridegroom rise from His holy mountain
Let the bride arise from her bridal chamber
Let the priests who pour out their lives before Him
Weep between the porch and the altar, crying,

“Spare Thy people Lord…
Show us mercy Lord…”

Bridge:
Oh God of mercy please hear our cry!
Do not forget our desperation!
Why should the nations mock “Where is your god?”
Oh Jesus, we cry out to You

Chorus:
Between the porch and the altar,
We consecrate our hearts!
Between the porch and the altar,
Pour Your love over us in the Beauties of Holiness!
Pour Your love over us in the Beauties of Holiness!

Lord, we come before You by Your LovingKindness,
And we seek You boldly in abundant Grace.
May Your Blood Atonement make us clean and holy,
For we long to see You face to Face

We are hungry Lord…
For our husband Lord…

And the King will sing to His chosen people
“I will send you grain, and new wine and oil.
I will pour My Spirit  out in fullness,
And remove the stigma from My Bride

I will dwell with her…
In her very midst…”

Bridge & Chorus

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Wasted For You (worship chorus 1995)

(Back in 1995, I was a full time worship leader for the body of believers that I was attending…the place where I taught, led, and tried best I could to serve. This is a chorus I wrote in those days, to try to indicate a total resolve to follow Jesus where He led, regardless of the cost or place.

Little did I know that the journey would lead here!! Honestly, back then if someone had told me the road would lead to a discovery that I was a transgender person, I would have thought they were crazy! See, I was like most people…I thought that being transgender meant being sexually interested in dressing as a woman and having homosexual activity with another man.

I was totally ignorant, but in my own “righteousness” and view of anyone different, I automatically assumed that A: they were “weird” and B: they were sinful. Oh, and of course I “loved” them…Hah!

SO much has changed, and Jesus and Grace did indeed take me up on my bold words. I never knew how much pain and wrenching would be involved in such a revelation as They brought…and I also could not even imagine the liberty and healing that has resulted.

The good fruits in me are wonderful, and they in essence build my trust, to issue another bold proclamation to surrender even more…and that is scary, because the last one was so difficult, that the thought of something else like that makes me quail!

But here is the truth: I would rather die running towards Them instead of running away.tumblr_n166cyoeGy1qa0o0qo1_1280

I hope that the next phase involves opportunities to tell people about the real People I know…the real Father and Jesus and Mama…the tender and loving and humorous and creative and accepting and teaching and transforming Beings that They have been for me.

Constance…please, if you are not used to reading about God, or talking about who they are, or if you have past wounds, bad experiences or pollutions from people who took Their Name in vain, give what I have to say about Them a chance.

I assure you: if They accept the likes of me, they will accept anybody!!)tumblr_mx9wozWlBo1qjr7k7o1_500

There’s a cry in my spirit, an unquenchable flame.
I’ve been captured by Jesus, and I will never be the same!
I’ve been branded forever. I’ve been cut to the core.
By the Lion of Judah, shaken by His Mighty Roar!

So I will spend every moment, and I will waste all my wealth,
Jesus, come break me open, and pour me out for Yourself.
For I have burned all my bridges. I’m past the point of no return…
Jesus, let me be, yielded totally, and wasted for You.

Descant: I want to be wasted for you Lord (repeat)tumblr_myrya9xwTw1sv2qqoo1_500