“Do not despise your past, Charissa”

These words have been echoing thru my heart for the last several days.  Mama has been digging, turning over ground long gone fallow.  She has taken me back…over old sermon notes, thru old class outlines and conference messages and topics.  I am remembering so many things, and most of all…

…I am remembering the songs.

Yeah.  I was a songwriter.  Big surprise to you all over here, right????  LOLOL!

I would imagine I have written well over a thousand songs, or more, if you include worship choruses and what not.

I only have a few dozen laying around now, and so many forgotten, gone into the history of my walk of devotion along with the yesterdays and yesteryears.  They are all part of the “us” that They and I are now, in the same way that the food you ate when you were 5, and 15, is still a part of you.

But I sense a purpose in all this:

Mama does not like Her daughter to be divided, has never liked the dissociation that I was forced to adopt.  And now that I am set free, She is bound and determined to bring all those things that were good materials and lay them in a work basket…and teach me to weave.  She and I will weave them into our relationship.   She says She will strip away my shame, my self loathing, and my sorrow and despair.

So for a while there will be appearances here in the blog of old simple songs…old funny songs…strange things…outlines of talks and homilies…whatever I think is still of value to anyone other than myself.  I think that sometimes I might try to turn them into poems…who knows?

One thing is for certain:  you are gonna get a glimpse into a heart…a heart that They chose to be involved with, and one that in its towering imperfection loves them as my only true light, life and hope…a hope certain and sure, and not merely wishful wistful thinking.

Love, Charissa248852_10150212535558180_823713179_7141081_5708839_n

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