Just Fit

so often i find
myself outside of walls
looking intently in
thru the windows and doors
at the tableau inside

i have my strings of lights
at the ready, plugged in
to the moon and the stars
and the songs of the night
and the love of the dawn

but I always find out
I am simply too big
to get inside the walls
with the rest of the ones
who just fit…who just fit


that moment when I am walking
no, floating, no…that moment
when I am flowing down
no, up, no…along the river
no, stream, no…torrent of
life and you decide

that you can just touch me
without permission or permission
no, consent, no…yes permission
and I stiffen in horror, in fear
no, terror, no…in anger because
you make me into nothing with your touch

but i mask it with my smile
no, grin, no…with my grimace
that you miss, you absolute oaf
because you think I am an otter
sleek and preening when I am
actually a hedgehog all quilly

no, thistly, no…all covered with razors
and shattered glass and broken promises
and splintered insults and shredded judgements

no, no—no—no, no