I Sail In a Boat Big Enough

Remember “Jaws?”  The movie? And that moment
when Richard Dreyfuss shouts in shocked alarm:
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat!” The sound,
his voice, the realization he was up
against something more brutal, more unknown
than they had realized…had dark suspected…
Well, I was thinking today about boats
about Mama’s Boat, Her Clipper Ship Sailing…
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and She’s not limited to oceans only…
She can sail up rivers, onto trails,
trod by shaggy elk and ancient Indians…
Her Masts are tall, majestic, She sails over
Groves and Glens, She sails over vistas foul
and fair, views of beacons, of hills and lanterns
red with hateful thoughts the redder still
beneath the clingy ivy choking love.

But if She sails on stormy weather inland
from seas Pacific o’er mountains to the deserts,
or She sails in from long Atlantic shores
across those Carolinas south and north,
so fair, so foul, riddled with love and hate
like starlight thru bullet holes…glowing bright 
lovers of kindness constant in that night…
Mama knows, She knows!  Her boat is big enough!

Her Boat transcends the sharks of sea and land
Her nets are tensiled taut titanium
I’m safe on Her Ship “Big Billy Goat Gruff”
and trolls that lurk like land-sharks there beneath
henley flannel bridges near the mills
the waterwheels revolving in the waters
called clearwater but in fact so stagnant
infected with mosquitos like the plaguetumblr_lfr3wa3xsf1qcjp3go1_1280

the trolls will jump and thrust, strain viciously
and find their revelation in such smallness,
their petty crooked goblin-cruel teeth,
their flat black piggy eyes that never blink,
their taste for tender flesh, for stumbled children
tripped on blocks becoming dread millstones,
they jump, show off their sleek and ugly snouts
that bristle row on row with rancid knives…

they shall find that shackles slickly slipped
over their necks and chains meant for the others
have doubled back and clicked closed there for good,
and those land-sharks, those south of Charlotte trolls
at last are cast into the slate grey sea
awaiting eager, quick to swallow up
and ne’er a trace seen e’er again of them
and thus the children run to Them so free.

I sail in a boat big enough, I sail
in Mama’s Good Ship Big Goat Gruff and Glory
and ever I will sing Her Mercy Story.

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Last Post for Awhile…last request

Good Morning Constance…

Many of you have asked how I am doing…I am not the best one to ask…I have never been thru something like this.

My therapist early on asked me to consider domestic violence as a proper analogy for my last few years…and how would I counsel myself…well, however one who has been in a toxic relationship and gets out feels, that’s how I feel.

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Confused.

Betrayed.

Relieved.

Failure to finish the race I began.

Worthlessness.

Lots of waves pass over me, wash thru me, and my challenge is to distinguish between the waves and me, between the abuse and me, between the toxins and me…as I detox, dry off, and let the bruises fade and the broken bones heal.

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I am still gonna write…though my poetic muse is in one Munch-scream of agony and cannot stop shrieking.  The closest I can get to a poem is to comment on my sister’s beautiful poems, and be grateful they are sturdy enough to bear me away.

I will try to post pics and quotes…but I have been advised by wise, authoritative and capable people that the best move for me right now is to not post here.

I shall miss you all very much…

One thing I would be very blessed by, however…if you could find it in your busy schedules to start a dialogue over the “Charissa and the Dementors” posts…and comment on my questions and the “homework assignments” I posed.

That would be soo helpful to me.  I am particularly interested in comment from thoughtful and scholarly christian thinkers regarding the issues I poised there…

A. The issue of godly conduct towards others, particularly in the area of “correction” and “speaking the truth in love”, and how appropriate it is to issue said correction to complete strangers.

B.  The issue of using NT verses that are a listed compilations of various manifestations of a corrupt and unredeemed heart, all illustrative of the one thing that will get you to hell (that heart unredeemed)…and how the prurient item on that list captures all the hatred and rage in that it is easier to pin it on others and avoid the ways that the other ones have deadly life and are quite in play as qualities…even of redeemed hearts that are still in the shallows of the seas of sanctification.

C.  The issue of gender orientation and how, where, why, what, when…followed closely by the issue of transition

And then I would be interested in all points of view on the various things I was accused of.  I do not think that I am guilty of what the dementors allege…but then again I am inside me, right?

So…please pray for me, that I would receive wise counsel and that our actions would be fruitful…and if I am honest?

I truly desire that my actions for the last 10 years specifically and the last 33 years in general be vindicated, and my name cleared.

I took the name Charissa Grace, because I thought that it not only spoke to who I have already been, it points to who I want to be as well.

Pray that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living, for They have been nothing but good in my life.

In sorrow, turmoil, confusion, relief, and Hope…

Charissa

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