Rape, Hook-Up Culture, and Sacred Sexuality

This Brock Turner rape case…rape culture…and yet there is still such a strong advocacy afoot in our culture for the de-sacred-ization of sex.

I have written in other places of my own views and axioms regarding sexuality and expression. These views involve the assumptions that sexual expression and interaction is the…THE…most powerful relational interaction in the created realm because it contains the potential to summon forth a fragment of God and a being full and free and possessed of free will.

I have mentioned my assertion that sexuality needs a suitable container in the same way that nitric acid needs one…how each one has the power to do mighty and epic things and each one has the potential to do grave damage…

I have opined that the container best suited for sexual activity is a long-term monogamous relationship that is deeply undergirded by sacrificial love.

And, alas…in spite of my best attempts to convey that this position is not motivated by ANY feeling or belief that sex and sexuality is in any way “bad” or wicked or evil or dirty or to be limited to procreation only, I stand accused of wanting to “police” other people’s sexual choices and/or actions…

Does the one who wants to rescue a jumper from a skyscraper want to police them in their despair-induced mental state?

I dunno how to answer that accusation except to say that in my own life, I have had few sexual “encounters” (read partners)…and those encounters have each and every one been one thing in the moment…and resulted in brokenness, hurt, and sorrow in the long run…until I met my love and began to build together that bulwark of trust and mutual support that became our temple of love…

Hook-up culture is antithetical to this. It places the value on the pleasure of the moment and it gives a version of reality that “ought to be”, attributing all things that slide sideways from that desired “ought” to the residue left over by the bad teachers and bad teaching that sex is evil, bad, and to be avoided…and that it is THIS teaching that causes the broken and shattered deadness inside when sexual contact outside the sufficient container results in the same thing that contact with nitric acid does when it is not safely interacted with.

And yes…when I posted those opinions on Grace Notes, I heard from so many people that I had no right to police their choices, their activities…etc. etc…but I found it so telling that they shifted the ground and asserted that I wanted to police them, when I mentioned not ONE argument for policing activity, but instead advocated for consideration of the sacred dimension of sexual interaction for we…divine image bearers and creatures…who have the exact power to create a being with free will…

But I digress a tad…because I wonder this:

I wonder if sexuality had been celebrated as a high and sacred thing to be used and experienced with great care, would Brock Turner have done this thing? Would the events of the evening have gone down the way they did, with the copious alcohol and the diminishing of judgment?

So many have made insensitive and unaware statements and ended up blame-shifting onto the victim and I am deathly skert of doing that here…I certainly do not in any way shape or form say that “if she had this” or “if she had that”!!

IF BROCK TURNER HAD NOT RAPED HER, SHE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RAPED!!! Full stop.

But also…if that sacred presupposition was a bit more vital, a bit more viable…

“BAH!!!  You’re soo old-fashioned, Charissa!!”
tumblr_o7n6upIGUP1trdezwo1_1280

The Impossible Demands of Dating Under the Pressures of Rape Culture

Constance, I found this article over here:  http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/rape-culture-dating/ 

I am posting it because I have to make the same calculations as a transwoman that a cis-gender woman makes, and then make them again because trans, which shrinks down the safe zone even further.  Fortunately for me, I am not dealing with dating, but there is still such risk.

Please read and consider the implications.

Originally published on Robot Hugs 

(Trigger Warning: Sexual assault and rape culture)

When you’re dating, you may get lots of advice on keeping yourself safe. At the same time, you can get pressure to be carefree. And if something bad happens, you’re blamed for not properly calculating the risks! So what gives?

You shouldn’t have to carry the demand to be both available and super capable of preventing your own assault. This comic says it all.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

part 1

2014-12-04-Risky Date

 

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sexual Assault And Sports 

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sexual Assault And Sports .

…in the midst of Rape Culture…rape in forms more diverse than sexual, this is a must read.

Men?  It is a must act.  It doesn’t change until you change…especially you “not all men” bros…

3 Reasons Why Saying ‘Real Men Don’t Rape’ Reinforces Rape Culture — Everyday Feminism

3 Reasons Why Saying ‘Real Men Don’t Rape’ Reinforces Rape Culture — Everyday Feminism.

This is must reading.  It gets to a very dangerous assumption:  that only monsters or freaks commit rape.

Sadly, rape is committed by loving fathers, normal husbands, common brothers…in short, by ordinary non-monster men who think it is their right to take what they want sexually from these other-gendered objects created merely for a man’s use and pleasure.

This message underlies major sections of some theological beliefs and it is based on a complete misunderstanding of the true nature and essence of who woman is…

…this attitude is inculcated at every turn in our culture today, and sadly women internalize much of this within themselves and end up being vulnerable in ways they would not otherwise wish to be.

I like how the author lays out the issue…head over and check it out, yeah?tumblr_njdbcqlsru1rhpg9vo1_1280

Since I was writing about Rape Culture…

Here is something I ran across at http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/people-resist-affirmative-consent/

“enjoy…”  *Charissa speaks tongue firmly in cheek*

The Real Reason Why People Resist Affirmative Consent Laws

[Trigger Warning: rape, sexual assault]

Originally published on Lefty Cartoons and cross-posted here with their permission.

Only have sex with people who’ve given enthusiastic, willful, and uninfluenced consent. Seems straightforward, right?

But there are still plenty of people who object to this definition of consensual sex.

Why? Because they value being able to have sex more than their partner’s consent.

Check out this comic for a perfect example of what these conversations look like.

rape-and-consent

To learn more about rape culture and consent, check out the following:

Barry Deutsch is the Portland-based author and cartoonist of Ampersand, a political comic with a generally progressive sensibility. A new Ampersand comic appears in every issue of Dollars and Sense Magazine. Barry attended Oberlin College in Ohio in the late 1980s, the School of Visual Arts in New York City in the 1990s (where he took classes from comics legend Will Eisner), and graduated from Portland State University several years ago. While at PSU, his political cartoons won the Charles M. Schulz Award. His current comics project is my comic book Hereville, a fantasy adventure comic about an 11-year-old Jewish girl. Check out his blogand follow him on Twitter @barrydeutsch.

Abandoning Perpetrator Logic and Moving Toward Survivor-Centered Understandings of Sexual Violence — Everyday Feminism

Abandoning Perpetrator Logic and Moving Toward Survivor-Centered Understandings of Sexual Violence — Everyday Feminism.

Constance…this is post number 666…and of course this number carries connotations dire and threatening!

(By the way, do you know why the number of the antichrist is 666?  I do!  See…Greek and Hebrew letters also are assigned numerical equivalents, and there is some pretty good insight into things to be gained by knowing a little about it.  The number corresponding to Grace is 5.  The number corresponding to Perfection is 7.  The number of man is 6.  Man was created on the 6th day.  Notice also how 6 is the number 5 plus 1…which signifies how man tries to add his own work and effort to God’s.  Notice also how 6 is 7 minus one…which shows how in spite of his very best attempts, man falls short of perfection.  Thus the antichrist is 666…and that is the antilog to the 3 in one of the Trinity)

Anyway:  check out the link and read this fabulous article!  It highlights thinking that I feel is the offspring of anti-christ thinking!

Perpetrator Logic:

Perpetrator logic says that the person impacted doesn’t get to say whether something was traumatic. The only opinions that matter are those of the perpetrator and those who defend their actions by writing off some violence as “lesser” than others.

Hey Constance…remember the experience I had regarding the nationalism and being othered strictly on the basis of my nation, and then having my objections to that dismissed and defined as indicative of a larger problem???  Ya know, in a way?  That was perpetrator logic too!

Or…how about the apology non-apology that says “I am sorry if you were hurt by what I did” or “If I offended anyone I am sorry you got offended”…or “I am sorry BUT…”

PERPETRATOR LOGIC!

Yep…definitely the logic of an antichrist point of view of reality and life.

Check out the article…it speaks specifically of sexual abuse and violence, but it easily intersects philosophically as well.  She goes on to espouse better systems of thinking, describes the spiral model of healing from assault, and then gives several steps that can help you participate in paradigm change.

Paradigm change…hey, it’s coming.  There is no choice on that.  But you do have a choice in whether you are on the side of the angels and help bring about the liberty that is getting closer, or if you find yourself shackled in the chains of those who were slaves in the old paradigm…somewhat like how people who were against allowing African American people all rights and liberties they are entitled to by virtue of being created in God’s image and priceless in worth.

Lastly…in what ways do you practice perpetrator thinking, and not even realize it?  (Hint:  chances are that if you are a member of the “in-power” group, then you have at some point indulged this shortcut).  And, what ways have you practiced survivor thinking?  What ways can you practice that?

Yours always in Challenging Love and Bountiful Grace,

Charissa

Yes. All Men. | Consent Culture

Yes. All Men. | Consent Culture.

Constance…I am pressing yet another fabulous piece on misogynist culture and our responsibility to take our courage in hand and root out this evil mode of being.

I believe it is more than thought…it has become a lifestyle.

The language and spirit of this piece is tough, but so what?  Plow thru it anyway…and men, particularly note the mandate you are issued towards the end of your responsibility to go to work specifically in “men-only” spaces.  In my life of consignment to men-only spaces, I was not the only one protesting the treatment of women precisely 4 times, and that is in my lifetime so far to the best of my recollection.

It doesn’t take courage to beat up a girl…but it does take courage to stand up to other men and say no more.

Yes. All Men. | Consent Culture.

Rape Culture

“Gentlemen. This is what rape culture is like:

Imagine you have a Rolex watch. Nice fancy Rolex, you bought it because you like the way it looks and you wanted to treat yourself. And then you get beaten and mugged and your Rolex is stolen. So you go to the police. Only, instead of investigating the crime, the police want to know why you were wearing a Rolex instead of a regular watch. Have you ever given a Rolex to anyone else? Is it possible you wanted to be mugged? Why didn’t you wear long sleeves to cover up the Rolex if you didn’t want to be mugged?

And then after that, everywhere you go, there are constant jokes about stealing your Rolex. People you don’t even know whistle at your Rolex and make jokes about cutting your hand off to get it. The media doesn’t help either; it portrays people who wear Rolexes as flamboyant assholes who secretly just want someone to come along and take that Rolex off their hands. When damn, all you wanted was to wear a nice watch without getting harassed for it. When you complain that you are starting to feel unsafe, people laugh you off and say that you are too uptight. Never mind you got violently attacked for the crime of wearing a friggin time piece.

Imagining all that? It sucks, doesn’t it.

Now imagine you could never take the Rolex off.

The Wretched of the Earth: On Rape Culture (via felicefawn)