A Lament, The Day After…The Day Before

Our culture is infected nigh unto death, and death is walking the planet in the guise of human skin…in pustules of hate that infect the brains of privileged THINGS that are fallen OH SO FALLEN from grace, from their birthright…

drunk on privilege and wasted on hate and mainlining the toxic excitement of hunting and killing, these sorry pitiful lost WRECKS have willingly gone werewolf and become nothing but sentient beasts.

Quite simply, you must. YOU MUST. Effect some change in your life right now this very day…and NO!! GET AWAY FROM ME, asking ME what it is you can/should do…why are you asking this small child, when there is a Slain One who showed us the way in the days of His flesh, and He lives even now and speaks to this world thru Holy Spirit, my Mama, who sheds light into darkness…

and into the darkness of your unknowing She IS SHINING and will speak if you listen…

…and then act. DO. DO WHAT SHE SAYS.
Maybe you should walk to work everyday carrying a sign that says something on it.
Maybe you should go next door, a block away, and reach out to the person that rises in your heart to reach.


We need some kind of antibiotic to kill the strain of bacteria loose in our body politic…well, I think that antibiotic is the Gospel of Jesus Christ (not the gospel of evil so-called preachers and fearful status-quo priests)…and I think that every single one of us who can still see that this is evil and deadly are the white blood cells.

I see a culture that has engaged in self mutilation, has engaged in drugging itself…and I see a people in power who wring their hands and say there is nothing we can do that is a sickening echo of the mantra that was shoved down my throat when I was executed and cut loose from a place that supposedly thought I was something valuable and yet when it came right down to it the man-made thought up written down rules were held more sacred and inviolate than my bleeding torn and tattered heart.

How has there not been a dropping of all things and a rising up?

We need a nation-wide deliverance.
And even within my own circle of acquaintances, I KNOW there are those who blame the BLM protesters rather than the racist, drunk on demonic doctrines of death, hate infused SENTIENT BEASTS who have willingly discarded their Divine Spark…

and this makes me so sick I wanna puke.

To be very vulnerable, I don’t know if I am safe around people today…well, to be more honest, I don’t know if they are safe around me…Because

I WANT to step on your toe so hard you will limp forever, blessing the name of the Wounded Healer Himself…

I WANT to vent your side, so that you would never again gather possessions to it to feed rapacious greed and instead would gather the least of these to staunch the flow of sorrow and slake their thirst for mercy…

When the prayers of the people go up this morning, and the presiding human says to offer the prayers not yet prayed, how do I not just SCREAM AND SCREAM WITHOUT CEASING…so loud, so offensive, so volatile that NO RELIGIOUS SPIRIT COULD STAND IN THE SUMMONING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD TO HAVE MERCY ON OUR SORRY GREEDY SLUMBERING ASSES?????

How can I not pray for an hour, in vehemence and tears?
And to be quite honest? I TRULY and DEEPLY suspect that the vast majority would call for me to be disciplined and reprimanded, more upset with my disrupting of the expected order of a worship service than the absolute defiling of our culture with the disruption of justice and the flow of mercy.

Yes.  The Cows of Vashon would mill and moo and low and trample…and chase me out the door straightaway…Or WOULD they?

What are the odds that during the night the watchmen have been gathering sack-cloth and fashioning slip on garments, and burning the watch-fires to collect ashes

(why Charissa, you dumb bitch, it is not Ash Wednesday, wtf with the ashes, idjit???)…

What if the leaders are ready, handing EACH person a garment made and saying that unless you don that cloth and take a mark of ash, for THIS SUNDAY, you do not come into the house…for it is a time of repentance and rending garments. It is a time for face falling and weeping aloud and BEGGING for the streams of justice to wash thru the House.

Well. What an…EXTREME..girl you are, Charissa.


Can you even summon the fucking COURAGE for THAT???  Can you BURN your fucking programs and orders of the day and expected liturgy and smear your own HEART with ashes and let your face be rent with tears on this day??

What the FUCK is there to preach on if not this?
If our dire and needful moment is NOT front and center and a call to repentance not issued then we do indeed serve a false god made from human hands and not the GOD of gods, the One who came and suffered and bled and invited the outcasts first.

Let us go outside the city, bearing His reproach…for there He awaits for us among the outcast. And in returning to the city after, let us draw near to the gates, and to the entrance of the doors, and to the high hill beside the Way where our paths meet…and hear the voice of WISDOM…the voice of Holy Spirit…the voice of MAMA who is SHOUTING SHOUTING SHOUTING to all fools and indolent ones DRAW NEAR!!

Statements by ecclesial bodies are just that, especially when the orthopraxy of said bodies still is exclusionary in so many ways and practical applications.

I don’t know what to do with myself right now. My chest is red and scratched as I claw and claw seeking to tear this pain from my heart.

I am well and truly troubled and do not know the way forward today.

They Are Your Family Now, Not Me

ttaf supporters…the ones in the background are your family now.

Not me…not anymore…not until you denounce them, and their new avatar of bigotry ttaf.

ttaf is saying to us that there is moral equivalence between the Nazi demonstrators and the counter protesters…

there is not.

If you think there is, then I have no truck with you.  Ever.

I denounce ttaf.  I denounce all of his supporters.  I denounce the hatred and bigotry on display.  I denounce those who claim the name of Jesus who refuse to have their eyes opened by this orgy of hate and racism.

God save us…we are truly entering into hell.

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White Supremacist Mob Carrying Torches Attacks Anti-Racist Protesters in Charlottesville – UNICORN RIOT

ttaf supporters…

if you write this off as “fake news” you sign the line that satan offers you…your own piece of mind and security and prosperity in exchange for your soul.

Charlottesville, VA – A group of hundreds of neo-Nazis, KKK members, and other white supremacists in town for Saturday’s ‘Unite The Right’ rally assembled at ‘Nameless Field’ on University of Virginia (UVA) campus Friday night.  The group was marshaled by a security team who instructed them to march in a column bearing lit tiki torches. […]

Source: White Supremacist Mob Carrying Torches Attacks Anti-Racist Protesters in Charlottesville – UNICORN RIOT

Tweets About Charlottesville Capture The Chaos Of The Protest & How Terrified People Are

This is what you think of as “again”?  ttaf supporter??  I am asking you…is this your “again”?

You bought this monster’s rhetoric and snake oil because he said “Make America Great Again”…and immediately this erupts when your avatar of hatred takes office.

There are literally thousands of incidents similar to this that have happened since ttaf was elected.  They are easily documented, and if I were to just press them here it would be boring in its droning continual outpouring.

The marchers were shouting “Heil Trump”…

This is your again.  This is what you wanted a return to.  Except that the genie is out of the bottle…people are NEVER going back onto Massa’s plantation…ever.

Their courage and passion carries them forward…

And now there are white supremacists driving vehicles into crowds of people exercising their Constitutional Rights…

The racist answer to this…YOUR answer to this…”Well they should not have been out there protesting.”

And how fascinating that you do not say that the absolute fuckers who are channeling Nazi hatred and rage and want to resurrect the 3rd Reich should not have been out there!!”

Why won’t you rise up and join all decent people and denounce racists and bigots?

Because you know you are wrong…and you will not admit it…and it breaks my heart that you do this in the name of God and the name of America.

I wanna vomit that you have become this…no…that you have not actually been what you pretended to be for so long, and when the opportunity came thru ttaf to dive into the pool of shit you did a triple backflip of joy.

Violence and chaos broke out on the streets of Charlottesville, Virginia on Saturday during a white supremacist “Unite the Right” rally. Tensions were already bound to be high after a Friday night demonstration at the University of Virginia, wherein …

Source: Tweets About Charlottesville Capture The Chaos Of The Protest & How Terrified People Are

In The Thickening Dark Air

The days are growing thin, now…
more firmly anchored, chained to earth
as she grows sleepy and surrenders
to impending, crooning death
that has in time passed always passed
and yet, each time seems like her last___
And I, with naked desperate face
pressed frantic to that fading sky
so blue, impossibly so blue
blue BLUE…and pale and growing paler
as my running tears run free
and carry Blue down to the dirt
of me, the dusty dirt of me

The sky dims in the echoes of
those flying waves of wild geese fleeing
Vanguard of this fading time
this sleepy, grown-thin dying time
so out of step, in stuttering rhyme
They fly and sing, elegiac,
the Songs of Captive Zion, and
the broken harps hung high on willows
on the willows wailing there
while geese fly, sailing sadly by

and as these waves sweep by above
in broken honks (like broken harps
played tragically by broken hands
and broken hearts) that rain, that fall
to lay upon the many-waters growing still
and shining dull in dimming light and wondering

if there is any love left here…or there…
or anywhere to see us safely
thru the night, the coming dark night
sinister and silent as the grave?  And still
my tears fall ceaseless, mourning
growing still, so listless, still…

The flapping wings the flutterings
of geese and my tears hot, welling
glistening sliding dripping falling
as the earth shifts and rolls over
on her side and so resigned
she groans and closes sorrowful
and milky sightless rheumy eyes
Image result for rheumy eyesand the rhythms of the wings,
the waves, the tears (oh tears and tears)
they echo other rhythms dread
stilled long ago…but now awake
a dreadful Sauron Eye aflame
snapped open in malice and pain
unblinking, staring without weeping…

flapflapflap (the wings),
snapsnapsnap (the eyes)
crackcrackcrack (other geese-stepping)
TROMPTROMPTRUMP (the boots, the boots of night)    
(boots so shiny underneath
a cold Bone Graveyard moon)

I weep…I wonder…if the dying
of the autumn light presages
some dread other coming night
some night hollow as the grave
in this thickening Dark Air
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Teetering On The Precipice

To Trump Voter:

You are against divorce.
You say you hate porn.
You hate Hillary for reasons that you cannot link to anything
except the onslaught of attack from the 90s…

So therefore you are gunna vote for a man who:
Sends Gingrich and Giuliani to attack Hillary because HER husband
was unfaithful but SHE HERSELF WAS FAITHFUL…
He himself also attacks her on this basis…
Image result for woman being stonedWhich means that between Gingrich, Giuliani and Trump they have 9 wives…

NINE!!! NINE WIVES!!! Which means that you are supporting a candidate
that is ANTITHETICAL to EVERYTHING you claim is core value.Image result for hate and horror and fear
You get angry and defensive when this is pointed out.
You say the media is lying to you about this, and that
Fox News is the only one that tells you the truth.

Even though the internet gives the ability to check out multiple sources for yourself
so you CAN find out who is telling the news straight…if you want to.Image result for hate and horror and fear
But you would rather sit…and pull Fox News’s lies around
you like a snuggly warm dirty diaper around your brain.

Yes…it is warm…but you now have the WORST case of mental diaper rash.

Do you know that Trump..your Presidential Nominee…
to TELL YOU to look at a sex tape of some woman
that he has already insulted, bullied and verbally abused…
Image result for man shaming a woman


let that sink in.

Trump is raving about sex tapes and everyone else is being world leaders…

SOOOO….when the sex tape search was conducted???

NO sex tape found with Hillary…
NO sex tape found with the person he accuses…


Do you know who is the star?

(It’s a hard Q, given what I just wrote…it will shock you,
cus NO ONE would or could imagine this person doing a sex tape…NOT)
Donald Trump. Your Nominee.
Leads off the tape pouring champagne on women…and it goes downhill from there.

I am outraged, upset, and deeply DEEPLY grieved that you sit…
and tell me that God wants Trump…tell me that the christian thing to do
is put Trump in place…give your support to the evangelical right who have
SOLD THEIR FREAKING SOULS TO THE DEVIL and climbed in bed with Trump…
Image result for hate and horror and fearIt’s like watching Donald Trump and you his supporters
commit sex tape atrocities EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Yes, this whole election has been like A Clockwork Orange,
and being forced to watch such perversions…
Image result for a clockwork orangethe perversion of a formerly Grand Old Party,
and the degeneration of a whole expression of Christendom
into masturbatory self-worship at best
and adulterous profligate orgies of hatred and fear.

He disgusts me…deeply.
You disappoint me…sadly and intensely.

And after all of the above, I STILL find myself utterly unable
to purge myself of my intense and literal keening…and grief…
Image result for hate and horror and fear…for you.

Fallen! Fallen! Oh! The Beauty of Israel is slain on the mountains!
You were once swifter than eagles! You were stronger than lions!
Tales of your renown circled the world in scarlet threads of redemption.
Your reputation was faith, hope, and love!
Image result for hate and horror and fear
Fallen! Slain! Your lips once held rubies of love, pearls of wisdom…
and now your mouth is an open grave of worms and maggots.
You were robed in scarlet…you had ornaments of gold
but now you are wrapped in filthy rags and rotten blood
and ornamented with skulls and the teeth of your enemies…
Image result for hate and horror and fear
Once your song smelled sweet of salvation
but now your very breath is death, and your speech is STENCH
and you stink of hypocrisy, adultery, idolatry, and your medal of honor
is nuffin but a divided heart.

Let your sorrow no longer be for those you condemn to hell
but for yourselves, and PRAY that it be godly sorrow
which produces repentance!

I am distressed, I am in mourning and my sun has set.
I remember when your love was sweet, sweeter than song
and I flounder in this night of long knives and zombie moans
Image result for hate and horror and fearBut I shall wait for dawn unflinching
I shall see the rise of the Morning Star
and the oppressed shall sing again
and the fatherless shall be gathered
Image result for gathering the fatherless
for justice shall come, in rivers and waves
rolling in righteous streams
to cleanse…to heal…

I write with no expectation of a metanoia…
I write in Hope, that Great Holy Spirit is in this world…
to convict humans concerning deviations
and woo with Love.

May God have mercy on us all
and deliver us NOT from Donald Trump…
but from our divided avaristic hearts
that led us here to the precipice of self
on which we now teeter.
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It’s The Blood Of Stars

and now it all melts
under falling skies
skies weeping

it’s the shining blood of stars
dropping and everything
spinning and melting
down under just
one touch


touch of that stricken star’s
living draining dying
and I wait
in mourning
hoping against
hope for morning

but know it in my bones
that everything’s sadly
melting, falling so fast
in slow motion away
swirling down to
that tragic

Bullets Flying Everyday


That’s how I have been…lately.  See, someone asked me “How have you been doing, lately?”

It was a common question asked in a common way.  When I answered that Orlando had really shattered me, she shrugged and said that the world was going to hell in a handbasket and that we just had to deal with it.

Indifference mixed with derision that I was “emotional” and “unprofessional”.

And I flinched under a fresh hail of words which might end up being something else…let me explain.

Here is why I have had these nightmares of being chased, being hunted and slaughtered, being tortured and tormented and left to suffer and die:

Because this man took action in the real world as an avatar of what our culture throws every single day…words.

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As you read here…people from all walks of life…you statistically are cis-normative and as such you swim thru the waters of our culture with the current, finding it easy to slip and slide thru waves of words which wash over you and pass downstream without even a scratch.

But that is not the case for me…for millions in the LGTBQIA community…for tens of millions of others who are not privileged…and ultimately, it is not the case for you.
Every day words are slung around by trigger tongues shot from missile silo hearts loaded with radioactive fissionable words and those words destroy over and over and over.  But bodies do not drop to the ground right away and we think that there is no effect.

I have read hundreds of so-called christian messages that say God hates LGTBQIA people, that God is punishing us for what we have “sown” (but it is implied that God doesn’t punish a cis-normie cus they are not … what?).  I have read people who are celebrating and saying they wish he would have killed more people.

In a strange way, I think this man was more honest about things than the vast majority of haters, because he actually did it:  he actually took instruments of death, and looked human beings in the eye, and shot them down in hatred, in horror, in fear.

But you?  You who use your words everyday on others and shoot them dead in the heart?  You who sit three thousand miles away and use words to hurt and silence and kill?  You who cast stoney words?  You who use chemical weapons of mass destruction in the name of “hating sin” and call that “loving the sinner”?
You are him.  And anytime, anywhere, any of us indulge our evil and hating hearts with our words?

We are making our Our Own Private Orlando.  Our own little abattoir of blood and bone and terror.

I read a FB friend who was so eager to decry the so-called terrorists of radical Islam that she momentarily forgot to carry the slaughtered in her heart…a gentle and indirect prompt stirred her, thank God and to her credit she took down the post and remembered the true enemy…but I tell you this:

Every single slur, every single sarcastic remark, every single angry slam, every single troll comment is a bullet.

And I have nightmares because all this man did was precipitate into the physical world the death and destruction and rape and violence and horror and rage that surrounds me, assaults me, overwhelms me every single day.
Yes…I remember the days before I came to myself…and I was like any other typical white privileged christian who thought they did not hate anyone and yet made casual callous jokes and had no awareness of anyone different than me as a hurting human being…and I will always bleed over those years of blindness, for they indeed qualify me as chief of sinners.

But no more…and now I can see how each and every time christians say that God is punishing the LGTBQIA community with actions like this, and that God is angry and pissed off because They feel mocked and thus slap us down, and that we are reaping what we have sown when in fact we had nuffin to do with how we are made…each time this is the attitude?  They have made the sacrifice of Love that Jesus made for us on the cross null and void…

…and they nail us up there…and they nail their shadow and sin there…and they are the ones who vent their wrath and fear and loathing…on us there…and they have made Jesus sacrifice to be in vain.
What I am trying to say is this:

Each and every time you speak in insensitivity, unawareness, privilege, hatred, anger, prejudice, and judgement?

You are the Butcher of your Own Private Orlando and the hearers of your words your victim.

I am gonna go out to the world today and walk in that hail of bullets, that storm of bullets flying everyday.

And when I show how they wound me?  I am gonna be the one jeered at, the one others recoil from with the forked fingers thrust at me with the christian evil eye ward…
When you stop killing with your words, creatures like that killer will not have nearly the power waiting to channel as an avatar of a culture of hate.

I am having nightmares.
I am a pincushion of death-words thrust into me…

Let us wake one another up, for the hour is getting late.blood_moon_forest_by_pastorjwallen

Blinded By Love of Hatred

Chip Kelly was fired as a head coach several hours ago.

The onslaught of opinion, dislike, and even (yes, I have been quite surprised at the use of the word) hatred being expressed towards him is at first blush stunning, shocking even…until one begins to think a bit deeper in regards to this reaction towards a person who is only a coach of a sport.

Caveat:  I am not an Oregon Ducks fan…but I am a fan of Chip Kelly the coach, and as a coach Chip Kelly the person.  In fact, I originally was thinking that he was an opportunist with a gimmicky approach to a game that was required to be played a certain way for reasons long held as deeply as Tevye and his cohorts held tradition!barcelona_above___revisited_by_coigach-d9h3eeg
Caveat:  I also have been involved in a professional capacity in required efforts to reform an organization that had drifted into mediocracy, had lapsed from accountability to laziness and assumptive privilege, and become fat and sloppy.  The net result was that the human beings involved were giving considerably less than their best and thus were deeply resentful of any calling to a higher/deeper/better way…that meant more work, more uncertainty, and called for a walk into the future that hadda be made with faith and not with sight.

Caveat:  I am transgender and a woman and thus deeply at odds with a culture whose prevailing paradigm is patriarchal and oriented to rewarding those who support it and keep it alive.

So what do those caveats have to do with Chip Kelly and his firing?

It is not so much Chip’s successes and failures that I wanna comment on, but rather what those successes and failures have revealed about other people that both fascinates and disturbs me…and that is what I wanna talk about.
Story:  In Chip’s first year with the University of Oregon, his team was up in Idaho playing Boise State…and I was at home cheering for the Broncos, like any good USC Trojan fan would do.  I found Chip’s demeanor off-putting, and I projected a lot of my own thoughts and assumptions as to what kind of a person he is onto him, based on how he looked on the outside.  Well, Boise St beat the Ducks, and omg Schadenfreude was flowing from me in Cartman-esque tears of “infinite sorrow”…

…and then it happened…the Duck’s LeGarrette Blount (a black running back from the inner cities) punched a white Boise St player in the face and cold cocked him…BAM!  The Boise St dude dropped like he had been shot!

And the outrage began…and I was shocked and amazed and quite distressed about the incident and then the onslaught of things spoken about Blount…throw him off the team…throw him outta school…throw him in JAIL!  And all the while no explanation sought or obtained…just shrill bloodthirsty simplistic and (yes, I will say it) racist calls for Blount’s blood.

Chip was asked about the incident and he simply said that he was investigating and would take appropriate action.  He did not acquiesce to the media demands for Blount’s head, he did not give any indication of any action he might take or not take…he simply was who he is…his maddening lil smirk in place and his calm and collected savoir faire leading to the assumption that he is a simple arrogant prick.

It turned out that the white player had gleefully gloated over the victory and had used a racial slur in the doing of it, intentionally seeking to insult and “other” Blount…and paid the price.  It also turned out that Chip got the truth, got together with Blount, kept him on the team and in school, meted out a punishment of suspension and integrated involvement with the team and some leadership help…

…and Blount graduated and plays in the NFL today ever since, having had a decent career.
I knew then that I was witnessing a different breed of cat, so I started to read about Chip, and discovered that his approach to football (and life) is far from gimmicky!  He is utterly disinterested in anything but being the best, and doing what serves the best.  He has no time for ego…he has no interest in racism…he gives not a fart in the wind for opinion of others about what he does and who he is…because none of those things serve his understanding of the pursuit of excellence and becoming the best.

There was a lot of backlash in the early days with Chip…but the administration stuck with him, and were rewarded with a record of somewhere north of 40 wins and south of 10 losses (you can google the exact record)…and he played in National Championships (one of which they were victimized by a bad call in)…and did so with very few blue chip athletes.

Remember:  I am a USC fan since I was around 7 or 8 growing up in California, and I never recovered…so I am not a myopic fan blinded by Chip Kelly Love.

Chip went to a town that has booed Santa Claus…a stadium that has its own court and jail built into it so it can process the criminal behaviour of fans…and a media that was used to being coddled and given kid glove treatment by a jolly easy going maintainer of the status quo…and a football team that had grown soft and entitled.

He had a huge job in front of him:  the changing of a culture in a football team, imbedded in a city suffering from that same cultural decay and attitude, and all that imbedded in a league that has every interest in a monolithic vanilla approach to playing and coaching the game of football…

He had to confront the familiar and not only fix the short term bleeding, but go on to transform the entire culture of the team/city-wise.  He went 26-21.  Compare that to the records of other NFL coaches…and he is north of their success rate.
I too have experienced this particular and exquisite torture…what you will end up giving people is significantly more nutritious and rewarding than what they have, and yet they fight SOOO hard to keep the familiar…and when they discover that you are serious about it, they get out their long knives and start carving away…

Things begin to happen…things that ordinarily would be decried, and in other times and spaces would be unthinkable.  People that typically are fierce advocates for human rights and the giving of tender love and much benefit of the doubt begin to feel desperate and threatened…and use words like “Hate” and other more florrid descriptors in order to vent their spleen over the one who is forcing reform.

In my case, with regards to the organization I referred to, there was activity that I will not talk about other than to say it ran the gamut of the deeds of the flesh mentioned in Galatians 5…and in the case of my resolve to help change the patriarchal paradigm, it is the usual invective involving the usual slurs…shouted with twisted faces, hearts of hate…

and the worst part of it?  The sense that it is justified because the threat is soo dire!

In Chip’s case, I will confess to being shocked at the sources from which hatred of Chip Kelly is professed and affirmed.
Reform is a huge task!  Recently I read an article written by one of my most deeply loved and admired spiritual leaders, and it was all about how the reformation and restoration of deeply loved and treasured institutions often times required a bit of demolition on the way.  It required patience with mistakes, some rebuilding, and the allowing of time and space for the truth of the activity to fully emerge.

I was mindful of that as I listened to the stories emerging about Chip…the hints and dark inferences that Chip was racist (a claim that is patently absurd with even a cursory examination of his record…Chip’s crime is the same one that most coaches suffer from:  he is so singularly focused on football that he can forget to be a human being and that to anyone regardless of color!  None of the great coaches are considered to be really stellar Mother Teresa types)…Chip certainly did not suck up to the media power structure…

Chip sought and obtained player personnel control and along the way showed some hubris, some arrogance and inexperience that was so emblematic of his conviction that his system and methods were indeed the breeding ground for success.  Chip looks for a particular type of player rather than a “star”, and he develops them into a unit that is cohesive and thriving.  Along the way there were some players that he chose to let go, traded, or gave ultimatums to that were not well received…and I think an honest look at those moves would reveal some attitude problems, quite a bit of wear and tear on some bodies, and yes some mis-handling of the method that Chip has acknowledged long ago…

…but nothing there that warrants hearing of even children saying they hate him.
I truly think this is disturbing…and I feel very anxious about it, because it was the lashing out of an empowered fanbase and media infrastructure that did not want their “toy” messed with.  Familiar mediocrity was much preferred to unfamiliar transformation and possible success…and when that familiar landscape was excavated, the backlash was and is vicious.

What will happen to me when the transformation of a paradigm commences in earnest?
My POC friends have long been experiencing horrors resulting from that push-back…

I think of that old country song about “walking on the fighting side of me”…as if there are just some areas where we are allowed to deeply indulge our animal lusts for hurting anyone that messes with us…

and on this the last day of the year 2015, I want to challenge us all to think about what is shown of our hearts in how we react to our sports, to our guns, to our neighborhoods, to our _____ when they are messed with in order to advance the cause and plight of humanity.

I feel it in my bones.  It matters.

As for Chip?  Likely he is a jerk…the same way that Belichick is a jerk…or Saban…or Coughlin…or (simply fill in the blank)…they each and every one will cut you without a glance if there is someone who they think will better serve their team. Chip is like that, I am sure…and he will learn from his experiences.

Frankly, given the reform of a league that is increasingly petrified wood, I welcome the revolution he presages…in fact Belichick has spent beaucoup time with Chip and has adopted many things from Chip’s ways…others have as well.  I hope Chip goes somewhere that gives him the time he needs to truly renovate the team and build it.
I hope that as much because I desire that same chance, and that same patience…and for us both I pray that we will be allowed to live without the horrible curses and ignorant anger that is rained down.

No…I am not blinded.

My eyes are wide open.

May we all eradicate hating on anyone for any reason, least of all for sports related reasons.  There is no such thing as a place or an activity where it is “okay to hate and revile”.

If you think there is, it is you who is the one blinded…blinded by love of hatred.

I Fly Steady On

Past Lady Liberty, looming silent still
thru slant snow, icy, cold,
frozen feet firmly planted
atop the broken chains
of captives loosed, unbound.

Past her seeming sightless eyes
fixed on an end unseen (as yet)
by mortal eye, and unfelt by
frozen human hearts transfixed,
addicted to poisonous demon draughts,
dolorous naughts of racism,
of hate.

I fly steady on…I fly.
My breath a billows sucking air
frozen cold in sips so sharp
in hurty breaths  constricted, choked,
and exhalations honk their way
from my leaping, working chest
tugging me on towards Her Light,
into Liberty’s coming sun.

Follow…follow past frozen
Liberty so stark and solitary
standing witness silent
but never mute!

Follow me bravely
and let your frozen breath
be transformed into
HONKS of freedom
to the ones enslaved
still by fear and hatred.

I fly on, true.
I fly on.

The Hellish End Result of Upholding Principle over Mercy

I am crying right now…this instant.

See, I couldn’t sleep last night.  Hard bike ride, and I never really slept very well anyway…

…anyway, I got up because I otherwise toss and turn and feel guilty that my baby doesn’t get the quality sleep she deserves.

I opened the computer and began to bump around, catching up on news, checking FB, etc…

…and I saw a story about a church building official who calls himself a pastor who decided that the family of a young 15 year old boy who tragically died would not be able to use the church building to hold the funeral service…because the 15 year old child was gay.

That was bad enough, but for this man who tarnishes, nay, totally pollutes and besmirches the title of pastor, it was not enough!  Less than 24 hours from the funeral, he called up the grieving mother, who was standing at the coffin of her dead son, crying and mourning, and gave her the news that she would have to make other arrangements…he was not going to allow the service in “God’s House” (quotes are mine).

Ohhh…but that was not enough, he had to double down on his magnificent display of “godly principle” (read prideful self-righteousness!) by saying:

“I’m not trying to condemn anyone’s lifestyle, but at the same time, I am a man of God, and I have to stand up for my principles.”


Way to go…I am sure that all heaven rejoices that your principles are intact while your words have rent the hearts of people who are already of a broken and grieving spirit!  I am soooo impressed by your holiness, your cleanliness!

I only wish you had been there, beside Jesus, when He erred so greatly by opening His lips and saying “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”…because if you had been there, you could have placed your hands over His mouth, to prevent Him from uttering such a “non-standing-up-for-principles” statement!  You could have whispered in His ear, instructing Him from your well of principle, on the “principle” of not condemning the whore’s lifestyle, but as a man of God…well scripture is scripture, so have at her, boys!  Let the rocks fly!

You could have shown him how to pull a sorrowful, tragedy-wracked face, and how to wring your hands just so, and you could have taught Him all your comforting tropes of how sad, how tragic, that the woman’s sinful choices resulted in such horrifying consequences, but oh how infinitely sad you are that your hands are now tied…because you have principles to uphold, after all!

You could have shown Him how to artfully step back out of the way when the blood began to flow and splatter, lest any drops get even on the hem of your garment and render you unclean, and you could have called your artful dodging “Dancing unto the Lord”.  This would really make you a spiritual giant, and paragon of virtue…and even better, you could have kept the Lord from His maddening tendencies to sully Himself constantly by wallowing in this world of sin and principles broken and violated and misunderstood and lost and the human wreckage resulting from all that by letting whores wash His feet with their tears (tears shed from the gratitude of His involvement with them by the way…IN THEIR HORROR AND DESPAIR!), by eating lunch with evil money loving tax collectors, by partying and laughing joyously with so called “sinners and drunks”.

“I have to stand up for my principles.”

I eagerly await news of further displays of such courageous risky principle standing…such as denying funeral services to all the people-groups listed in a common passage used to justify hatred and ostracization of LGTB believers (1 Cor. 6…and yes, I do believe I can make a biblical case that these verses are mis-applied to blanket condemn humans who for whatever reasons are sexually oriented as they are, not to mention the blatant ignore and excusing that goes on for the rest of the list)…adulterers, sexually immoral people, drunkards, idolaters thieves, covetous, revilers, extortionists…

…I am certain that funeral arrangements will not be allowed for all people on that list.

Oh, and don’t forget the ones in 2 Timothy 2: 9-14…surely, he will apply the exact same method of reading which resulted in his towering principle with the former passage, and end up very firmly but oh so sorrowfully and piously denying funeral services to the families of any woman who fails to adorn herself with modest propriety and modest apparel (defined by him, I am sure, and oh such confidence I have that he will be ever so wise, ever so fair and generous of spirit and hand and heart…after all, a towering paragon of virtue such as himself, who placed his principles over the lives and hearts of broken human beings created in God’s very Image, Human Beings worth the very BLOOD of Christ!!),

I am sure that he will find his courage to not allow the families of women who braided their hair, or wore gold ornaments, or who wore pearls, or who wore costly clothing (?? Let me “literally” read that…and end up in a quagmire!  Some definition of costly must be derived, and then every receipt checked!  Or…let me spiritually rightly divide the word of truth:  let women have as their first priority to be clothed with the beauty of the Lord’s love and grace and character, instead of merely adorning the outside of the cup and ignoring the inner state of the vessel…oh, and the fact that this is specified at women does not let men off that same hook, as remember, in Christ there is no longer male or female and men are not permitted to claim special privilege over women!)…

I am sure that he will mark those women in his services who utter even one word, because scripture teaches that they must remain silent, and we simply must just read the face value, ignore the meanings and contexts of culture during the times it was written, violate every common sense scholarly principle we so commonly use to read other old documents, and bury our heads in the a-hole of principle and use God’s precious words of life to oppress and heap up burdens for men and not lift a fucking finger to help them…less we become sullied and violate our principles!

(yes…Constance I did…oh yes I did…I used the “f” word…and I am not taking it back either!)

How I rejoice that he is on the watch, sifting, purifying his flock, and denying funeral services to any woman who teaches over a man…and of course there are other passages, littered all the way thru, from which he simply must begin culling identifiers of possible principle-sullying behaviours!  In fact, he actually should set up a tribunal…yes!

A tribunal of other men, guided by principles and holy zeal!  He can look to an organization which is long practiced at this, and has it down to an artform…the Taliban!  Oh yes, they are so good at it, that they just leveled the ground for all women!  Dress them in burkas, cover their faces, and kill any of them who show so much as an ankle!  Yep, that’s the ticket!  Oh, and because they care so much about them, address their potential for sexual desire and sin…make sure they do not fall into that issue by simply cutting off their labias and clitorises!

Hey…it’s principle.  And with oh such sorrowful reluctance, I can see him gathering himself a cadre…of American Taliban.

I am crying right now…this very instant.

Tears of sorrow…tears of rage…tears of heartbreak.

I guess I will conclude with some words Jesus said when in His earthly sojourn bodily, and He aimed these words at the very best maintainers of principle the world has EVER SEEN:  the Pharisee sect of Judaism…Matthew 23:23 (the whole chapter is one you should read every day, to make sure you steer clear of the error of self-righteousness, but I will stick with just one verse…and conclude)

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin,
and have neglected the weightier matters of the law:

justice and mercy and faith.

These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone.”

I am crying right now…

Do justice.
Love Mercy.
walk Humbly.

Your ever imperfect friend, and ever-boastful strumpet in the Wonderful Grace of Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit

Charissa Grace


Petition | Please apologize for your Transphobic language | Change.org

OK…this essay below is on fire!  It is packed with topics and experiences that I want to write about and make poems about in the coming year.

The crucial thing that is highlighted, and has also captured my thoughts right now is this:  the validation of the current paradigm can actually be a reinforcing of that paradigm without intending to!

Our thinking has to be truly new, other…and very careful (as in full of care, and not cautious or apprehensive).

Words have power and meaning.  They are magic and creative.  They are time machines, and magic wands.  So…read the essay, and then think, think again, and then speak.

With your heart.  With your words. With your touch.

With your life.

Petition | Please apologize for your Transphobic language | Change.org.

I rejoice, and I grieve, and I rejoice: the 2 sided coin of American Christianity

As you know if you are a regular reader, I love God…specifically Holy Spirit, whom I was introduced to as the Lady Grace by Them…and who is now to me simply Mama…”simply” lol.

I took my new name from Her knee, Charissa (Grace), and Grace.  Grace is most simply defined as that power granted to the one who asks to do what God desires.  Period.  That covers it far better than “God’s unmerited favor”.  The Greek word for grace (Charis) also translates as power.  But I digress.

If you are a regular reader, you also know how deeply I am grieved by the ugly hate and fear that emanates so powerfully from the so-called christian culture in our land.  It is harsh, exclusive, rigid, full of fear and loathing, shame-based, and ultimately is ruled by religion instead of relationship.  This is the “I grieve” part.


There is another side of the coin…in virtually every church in our land, in some private moment, in some unguarded place, Mama pops out, full of grace and power, and She extends Her hand of kindness, and therein sinners find supplication and succor, kindness and comfort.  These moments are unadorned, simple, pure, and they ooze mercy and overflow with open armedness.  Hate cannot enter therein, pride is swept away, and Humility is crowned Sovereign.

Oh my friends, I ache with memory of these, and tears overflow my eyes as I recall them…little down payments of heaven to come, and the goodness of God.

If you have had some of these you know what I mean, but if you haven’t…and you wonder what they are like?  Just picture the exact opposite of what it feels like when these mis-guided and fearful children of the King pout and shout and hate and hurt…picture the opposite of that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you see someone misrepresent the God they claim to serve (but they really mean the God that serves them, their “errand boy to satisfy their wandering desires”)…picture the opposite of that cold chill that drills from their hating eyes (covering up their cowardly hearts)…picture the way that you know, deep down inside, how God’s true children would act if they really WERE from their father in heaven, saved as prodigals returned…

Yeah…we all know deep down…

I exhort you, do not lose hope in the face of hate, for those unguarded moments are real, true, and someday they will rule all.

In the meantime, let love be your guide, and hope be your heart.  Let faith be your song and grace be your crown.  Let mercy be upon your lips and kindness be your clothing.  And remember, you are not alone…Lady Grace (Mama) is with you always, and so am I, your sister Charissa Grace, as long as I draw breath.