Underneath the make-up, powders, paints, colors bright
there beneath the pretty words and funny sayings light
the blood pools red, the bruises throb beneath my cheery grin
and ruin overflows, and spreads its pain and hurt within
Mama heals, but often heals with pain’s sweet overthrow
She will let the woundings come to deepen healing’s glow
Still, it really breaks my heart to walk alone so long
I must dig still deeper, be brave, and just sing my song.
i get lonely sometimes…
Ya gotta just shake it off and keep on going…
| — | Mandy Hale |
Constance…yes to this, sort of.
But know that this doesn’t absolve you or anyone else of the responsibility for what you do with that gun inside your soul…you know the one, that gun that you use every single day, and that you have killed people with:
the tongue.
Yesterday? I did not ask to be called what I was called. I did not unconsciously draw that term to myself. It came to me for a lot of reasons of very mixed motive and origin. The person who said it did not intend to shoot me. She had made a mistake, one I knew nothing of, and did not want to be underneath that burden so she brought it out to me in the name of asking forgiveness…
…sort of like one sister plays with a gun and accidentally shoots another.
That bullet took my smile, seriously wounded my attitude, and inflicted great damage on my sense of worth. It is not something I gave away, and not something I asked for or wanted. It is going to take some healing, and some outside medication from somewhere…God knows where in our world of isolation…Mama will find a way of this I am convinced.
My point is this: do not deceive yourself that you do not bear accountability for what you choose to say and what you choose to leave unspoken. Spoken words can be bullets and silences can be flamethrowers.
Now…my responsibility is to get to “the Doctor” and do my rehab…and somehow find ways to be safe while living trans.
Whoda thunk that I could be shot in the heart of a daycare for children under 6 years old?
Life and death are in the power of tongue…
Some speak rashly, like the thrustings of a sword,
but the tongue of the wise promotes health.
Constance…make a distinction with me? Let’s look at the point below as a mirror. Miley Cyrus is absolutely right in what she says…at least in terms of the double standard that is applied to males and females. Soo many of our issues culturally in our society stem from this disconnect. But catch my thoughts down below, after:
“No one ever talked about Robin Thicke after the VMAs of 2013. It was all my fault and I was the one who was acting like a ‘slut’. And that isn’t the only example of a woman being put in a box. I’m just speaking out for women to be yourself and I think I’m doing something to break the double standard that has been created over the years.”
whether you like her as a person/an artist or not, one just HAS TO admit that she’s absolutely right about this.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Okay Constance…now that I have agreed with her, I want to ask:
Why?
What happened to us, these Glorious Ruins Divine, who used to glow with the God-Light so fierce that clothing was not something any mind considered, for we were clothed in Eternity Resplendent…and now we compete to see who has more “freedom” and right to rip the mystery away and put it all on display?
It is as if it wasn’t enough for the God-Light to go out…now that it has we, all of us, want to wallow in our Unclothed-ness.
Please resist the temptation to write me off as a sexual prude, or sexually repressed, or any of those things. My arguments are similar in outward appearance only to the moralists and repressive people who seek to bind up and punish and rob humanity of the incredible wonder and power and gift that our sexuality is.
If you are unfamiliar with my point of view, just use the search field, and search sexuality and you will find just a few posts about sexuality, the most comprehensive being this one: Love in a Sexual World.
I am all about restoring the Image…I am all about the huge and significant metamorphosis humanity is in the throes of…from death to life, from empty to Full…from piles of sensient animated clay to the very incarnation of Divine.
I think this is why Mama made me transgender, so I would experience this in such a personal tangible way so as to be bent and marked forever, dedicated to this transition of all the lost “trans” humans with eternity encased in bodies bound by time and decay.
Yes, Miley…you are indeed right. I pray that someday you will take the next step and understand the secret mystery of sacred sexuality.
Charissa's Grace Notes 
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