“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”
| — | Tony Gaskins |
…seem very different to me when I view them thru these glasses…god what have I done to myself, and how do I undo it?
Charissa's Grace Notes
Charissa's Grace Notes 
Reblogged this on Jessica A Bruno (waybeyondfedup).
You cannot control everything. I think that’s an important part of the growing process- accepting that some things are out of your control- especially as a child. We all do the best we can. 🙂
Over the years of being in an emotionally abusive relationship (in the past) people would tell me “People will only do to you what you allow them to” ….I used to get angry. I could not fathom how I was at fault for someone treating me like crap . Finally, after I was able to get out and look at the situation from the outside in, I was able to see what they meant, but, I said to my husband, perhaps I was at fault for what I allowed, but I am not changing. I am going to be the same loving, considerate, gentle, generous woman that I am because I know that he will not take advantage of that. He will love me back and he is even more generous, considerate and just as loving as I am to him, so , in my opinion, why is it our fault that someone takes advantage of our kind, loving nature? It isn’t. I think that we just have to realize when we come across someone who does not deserve our kindness and THEN take it away from them. I hope I am making some kind of sense tonight. I am really tired and drained and having trouble getting the right words out. ((((hugs)))))
That is SUCH a huge help to me!!! Cus I actually really like striving to be a person who gives because it is the right thing to do and not to get in return…I like trying to turn the other cheek, going the second mile, being kind to all regardless of if they are or not…
I am realizing just how deeply I allowed myself to be violated and I want to change that, so I don’t get destroyed, but at the same time I want to still be me, and choose what I choose and for the reasons why…for love.
Your counsel is huge…really good. It reminds me of the exhortation that we be as innocent as doves, but as wily as serpents.
I think I am getting it!!
❤
I think there have to be some sacred walls around how far we allow people to go and what we allow people to do to us. I have been in *abusive relationships, as well, and while I don’t blame myself, I do take responsibility for my part of staying stuck.
*When you are told you are worthless enough times…
eventually it becomes your truth…
and anything else (said in Truth) becomes the lie.
wow…that last bit. I sit here totes convicted by it, and stand guilty of it, as you have heard from me. So Ima acknowledge it, knowing that this decades-long habit will be tough to break (I may never in this life, save Mama give grace to do so)…knowing I will fail and fall back…
…but Ima also reiterate your permissions…and I will be accountable when you call my name, and all that means, especially in those moments
We will be that for each other in Those moments ❤
PS: Your phrase “Sacred Walls”…I got stuck on that a lil bit…until I figured out that the sacred part is from my side of the wall. It is the attitude and spirit in which I erect the wall.
As far as someone who is outside that wall, well in the right sense it really doesn’t matter, does it? Anyone who ought to be will either be inside the wall already for to exclude them would be to exclude myself…or they will know where the door is and what the password is too.
PPS: …and then there are those strange people who just appear…
❤
For the longest time, I didn’t have walls, which is why I was so frequently and thoroughly trampled upon. I thought having walls made be a bad person since it kept people out or at a safe heart distance. I didn’t realize then that not everyone should have/be allowed access to my heart. I didn’t realize that I had a say in that.
one further thought on this…so interestingly, you use silence to keep people out…and I use patter/chatter/smatter for the same thing
Another way we’re similar. And then for me is the deeper issue of invisible walls…