Do you love someone?
What is that like for you? When they please you is it fantastic? When they hurt you, whether intentionally or inadvertently, do you want to just pull away and cut them off?
What is love?
I really don’t know what it is for other people. But I do know that love for me is constant and present in me for those I love, regardless of what happens. Regardless of words spoken, or words withheld. Regardless of indictments scathing and maybe not even true.
I am haunted by Love…it never leaves me. It burns true and sure in me, though it has the hardest time getting from inside me to outside me thanks to the plethora of flaws and foibles present in me. But it carries me…Love does. Right straight past the wreckage strewn pile-ups and blood everywhere.
I recently heard someone talk about how they couldn’t believe in someone anymore…someone they had professed to love…and I thought about all the times that my beloved has let me down, all the times I have let her down. I thought about all our times together in the midst…and how even in the pain, NO…especially in the pain Love burned even brighter inside.
Love is your choice to set stock on someone. Love depends on your choice, and it has nothing to do with the one you choose to love. And after that? Love doesn’t even really notice when it is wronged or misunderstood or maligned. It bears all things…believes all things, hopes all things…endures all things.
Love never fails.
Sometimes I feel like a fool, loving. That way lays pain and sorrow and let down. But that way lays truth too…lays joy…and ultimately lays victory.
Hey…if you are out there? If you ever stop in here to read? If you are curious, or if you need to stoke your rage? Just in case you ever stop in…
I love you. I will never stop loving you. Til my dying breath, with the last drop of my sweat.
And my one and only prayer is that God in Their Grace would give you a revelation of the actual state of being of that love, and maybe even a lil insight into the terrible tributaries it had to traverse to even get to the outside world.
I have so much more to say, Loves, and yet there is nothing I can say or do right now that isn’t bound up a priori…so I am swallowing, and holding my face bare and still, and brazen in its love for you