This Indigo Night

what am I,
here in this current so swift,
here in this flow so crystal,
the color of none, of nothing
seeping from hearts of high mountains
whose tops are jagged and sharp,
sharp enough to shred endless blue skies
into ripped bloody red torn pink remnants
purple while day fades to black?

what am I,
feeling the kick inside me,
the writhing insistence and roll,
the knock knock inside my forehead
that sounds in nebula bursts
and sings in galaxy galas
inside my conductor heart
waving my rhythmic baton thoughts
emerging and piling up useless?

what am I,
feeling such guilt when I think
about all that I want you to know
all I feel and I long to feel with you
and I hear the desperate tremor
in your voice, I fear deeply that I am…what?
a burdensome ball that needs juggling,
a silly dead thing that needs managed,
another condition to cope with?

what am I,
in the dark heart of lean hungry hours
when nightmares slink bold and unwary
and sing in such sibilant hissing
that I’m not a what or a who,
that my sorrow and sharp disappointment
is hollow, is nothing so when
I shout “Marco! Marco! Marco! Marco! Marco!” over and over again
my desperate cry is gutted and added to indigo night?

what am I,
when I feel such life in my thoughts
and my insights streak thru my dark fear
like diamond-tailed powerful comets
fierce and unstoppable birthed, but
black holes of indifference they simply
yawn, stretch, and swallow them whole
and then check their watch sweetly ticking
for the truly important things?

I guess I am this at the least:  the sum of all of my fears.
Those things are real, at least they must be, right?
The way they tear, the way they bite,
the way they drink my blood at night,
the way they croon that they will take me, wrap around me, never leave me
they’ll accept me, treasure my heart’s living blood so spurty salty
gushy red blooms from the cuts the jagged mountains made when I fell
from the sky upon them and discovered that I was not
made to fly, or be a worthy bird, or even just a little pretty butterfly.

what am i?

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6 thoughts on “This Indigo Night

  1. “I guess I am this at the least: the sum of all of my fears.
    Those things are real, at least they must be, right?
    The way they tear, the way they bite,
    the way the drink my blood at night,
    the way they croon that they will take me, wrap around me, never leave me
    they’ll accept me, treasure my heart’s living blood so spurty salty
    gushy red blooms from the cuts the jagged mountains made when I fell
    from the sky upon them and discovered that I was not
    made to fly, or be a worthy bird, or even just a little pretty butterfly.

    what am i?”

    Sorry to copy such a big piece but I just felt this momentum build at this point and there was no real place to stop except the end.

  2. This snuck into my heart, sat down there and Sang:

    “and my insights streak thru my dark fear
    like diamond-tailed powerful comets
    fierce and unstoppable birthed, but
    black holes of indifference they simply
    yawn, stretch, and swallow them whole
    and then check their watch sweetly ticking
    for the truly important things?”

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