I know, I know…I can hear the squeal of mental brakes locked up, smell the smouldering acrid heat of belts spinning fast on cogs that are jammed and won’t move…did Charissa just say she is an introvert???
Giggle…believe it or not, I am indeed.
So, before I get to my point, I want to preface with this:
I love what my friend Dani writes of and speaks of when she mentions icebergs as a phenomena and metaphor for seeing and understanding what you see. She points out that the vast majority of an iceberg is under the surface, regardless of what is visible on the surface. She then has sort of developed this teaching moment for her readers, derived from her own life practice, and instructs us to understand that we must intention to see, and in that intentionality we can see what we don’t see…granting credence, respect, inferring presence and thus legitimacy to something more, something that exists and extends beyond our own way of defining it.
I think it is this intentionality of being and granting being that informs Dani’s writing and thus infuses it with such potency and presence. And it is also what enables her to see me, something that is a literal miracle to me but the scope of which far exceeds this forum’s ability to reflect or contain.
Anyway, I am an introvert, in that all that is visible is really not that much compared to the things unseen in me, unsaid by me, and unacted on thru me. I have tried to build in an “airlock” in me…a space thru which I try to pass all things before they exit or enter me.
I am much better at filtering the things I allow out than the things I allow in! But I am working on that!
So this post was stimulated by the quote below:
“One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation:You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental.When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.”
— Sophia Dembling’s The Introvert’s Way
I think that is what goes on in a lot of ways with a lot of people…and it was an insight moment for me in regards to my dementors. They simply must settle things, and settle them in the way that makes them feel–what? Authentic? Present? Solid? Justified? Affirmed? Secure? Any of those things can drive dementing.
I want to go ya one further: even when it is more benign and less toxic, less radioactive and destructive, the small, daily banal ways that we do this “defining” of others can really be a source of a lot of alienation and separation. The ways we look at our spouse when they are quiet, and we want to know what is up…or the way we imagine our friend when we haven’t heard anything…or the way we speculate on the inside of our teenager’s brain…it might be the one greatest source of separation between people there is…and the truly sad thing is that most of the time the motives are fairly benign!
So…give another go to the quote, and really chew it. Then give some more thought to Dani’s beautiful practice of Intentionality…and then lastly, see what you see, and see what you see by what is unseen!
Love Charissa
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward being is perishing, yet the inward person is being renewed day by day.
“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.
“For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
Charissa's Grace Notes 
I found you through Dani and think she’s amazing. I’m really enjoying your take on the world as well. 🙂
I am so thrilled to know that. Welcome with blessings and my promised intention to be honest and gentle and talk vulnerably with words liberally seasoned with grace! And if I ever serve self in the name of honesty…well, kick me in the rear! lol
Thanks again Karen, for your kind words but even more for your valiant heart to live authentically. I am encouraged to know you are there.
❤
Awwww….how cool you gals found each other.
Dani has a way of doing that 🙂
I found Dani through Karen!
🙂
❤
I was found by Big Mama and then thru Her as well lol…and then Her lil helpers one and all
So glad you did, Karen. She is brilliant!
Truly.
*Charissa scratches her head while scratching her itchy side right under those tight, yeah, and thinks…looking decidedly brilliant*
Thank you Sis, for real
Dear Charissa,
Once I figured out that I was an introvert hidden in an extroverted persona, my life got so much better. I have to be outgoing for my job and for many of my volunteer activities, but most days I’m happy to watch from a safe corner. Even though I’m a people-lover, the endless engagement always left me drained. For me–that’s been the biggest eye opener in defining what energizes me and what leaves me sapped and prepping better for energy sapping activities like conventions and seminars.
You and Dani (and Karen, now on this page) are such talented writers and kind souls. Thank you for putting this forth today. xo
OH!! Lil mama you said that so well. I love that image…an introvert hidden in an extroverted persona! It is so timely that you shared that, as the latest idea I am marinading for a poem is based on Russian Nesting Dolls…right?? Yep.
People lover: check.
Endless Engagements: check.
Watching from a safe corner: always, and especially when others think I am on stage.
Always love hearing from you…hint hint! giggle ❤
Your mind must be in constant creativity mode. How do you do it, my friend? The Russian Nesting Dolls are a perfect image. You could fill books with your poetic words. If I spend too long on that side of my brain, the house starts to fall apart and I forget to pay bills 😉
And, I always love hearing from you, too. xo
Oh God, mama…it is not anything I do. It simply is…honestly it is overwhelming at times cus it doesn’t ever shut down…thank God for poetry and for my bike too…when it gets too much a good long hard ride is just the ticket to shut things up awhile.
Thanks so much for the encouraging words, and for those vertical outpourings I know are behind them right now.
❤
xo sweet friend.
So glad to know I’m not the only one in the introvert’s club. And YES to your notion of defining energy-giving versus energy-sapping activities/interactions. It is such a gift once we know how far we can go and we respect our own energy/heart boundaries (not that I always do…or often do 😦 ).
Anyway,thrilled to be meeting here and so glad Karen has joined in.
WP fun!!
Hugs,
Dani
*Charissa wriggles pleased that Dani is somehow blind to how Charissa put’s Dani’s name on her blog to gain the cred by transference somehow!!*
(giggles…i know you really know, Sis)
❤
As if, love.
Hi Dani,
I kind of crack up when I read all of the wonderful words that people write and wonder if they are also the quietest person in the room. But, I’m guessing our brains could fill the silence for years to come.
I’m in good company for sure!! xo
As am I, Michelle.
❤ Dani
Okay. You convinced me. 🙂 Your words ring true! Very very true!
❤ Always ❤ to my Sissa!
This post touched me deeply, Sis. I am an introvert, as well, and my silence has often been used against me to catalog me as weak, slow, inaccessible, haughty, bitchy (love that one), etc. It has also been used as a excuse for others to remain distant (I reference my miscarriages here).
Generally, I am most comfortable alone: reading, writing (no arithmetic, thank you), but my next level of comfort is with one other person, One sharer of heart and hope. More than that and part of me is overwhelmed, overstimulated and overanxious.
Thank you for weaving such a lovely tapestry here with threads of Knowing and agile hands (I know they’re not, but poetically, they are) of kindness. Sometimes silence is a trifle of meaning and sometimes…it is just the absence of sound.
With heart,
Dani
P.S. Thank you for sharing parts of my post/heart here. Always an honor to find my name on GN ❤
Okay, DANG…the post nesting didn’t work right..so the one about sneaking you up here at GN for my own drafting off your wheel should be nestled here…like my heart
Comment to Dani’s Comment:
*Charissa wriggles pleased that Dani is somehow blind to how Charissa puts Dani’s name on her blog to gain the cred by transference somehow!!*
(giggles…i know you really know, Sis)
❤
(and you did not see that apostrophe contracting puts into put’s!! Nope, wasn’t there…jus your lil imagination, yep yep yep
I figured as such. I thought the same when I saw it.
This jumped out at me from Facebook this morning and I immediately recognized that it was in the early stages of our friendship. Has it really been a year?
I love being an introvert with you and our dear friend, Dani. Makes me miss you both. xo
omg…I don’t recall when you and me connected Michelle…it would have been the date you wrote that post that made us say 3 things about ourselves and not judge ourselves…what your girl sent you and challenged you with.
This post was November 2013, and I don’t think we had connected yet…seems like it was what, Spring? 2014? Can you look it up??? Now I am curious.
I test out on Myers-Briggs as INFJ…less than 2% of people are that lol. We are usually mistaken for extroverts but not…not by a long shot.
No…it is funny, Michelle, it seems like I’ve allus known you, ya know??
I know, babe! And, guess what…I’m in that 2% with you. Isn’t that cray? I’ll look up that post, I know the one of which you speak. I hope you’re having a great week, sister. I’m struggling just a bit with travel blues…this ain’t no job for a homebody mama. But, you’ve told me that before. Love you!!
LIL MAMA!!! OMG I ALMOST CALLED YOU LATE LATE LATE LAST NITE!!! Woulda been about 1 AM your time cus you were SOO on my heart…your heart felt like it was swimming in melancholia…
It will pass as the sun rises, and the thrill of autumn will quench your thirst, and the promises of winter snugglies will refresh your bones.
Love you too, dear one
Ooooo…you are GOOD! I was asleep though. LOL. I think I went down for the count before midnight 🙂