Can You See Me?

Dear Constance…I don’t know if I have told you…I am in a spoken word group in our city that consists of some of the nicest and most accepting people I have ever been privileged to be around.  I went there, the first time, as myself.  They have known me always as myself, and consequently are a haven and refuge for me when things get rough…not to mention their stellar poetry which feeds my soul.

Anyway, last meet-up, I made food for a lil 4th of July celebration, all based on Red, White, and Blue colors…things like strawberries, blueberries, marinated mozzarella cheese, and sliders with lil flag toothpicks stuck into them.

My baby and I worked 2 days on this!  So by the time the event rolled around, I was walking on airs, as cooking fills me with just joy and happiness.  I love to take ingredients, and put them together, and then live their change into a yummy dish…I love to create in the kitchen, try new things…I love to have family and close friends over and place before them my labors of love and wriggle with delight at the way that they take such pleasure.

Imagine that…a transgirl taking pleasure in the transition of elements!  Giggles…

Anyway, I was dressed very nicely, my hair was just right, I had new earrings and was feeling so congruent and whole and in focus.

I got up to read…and looked out at the group, munching contentedly on the food I had prepared (we had prepared, as my darling had been a huge help together with me)…and I felt so ME, so THERE!

I burst out, before I even knew what I was saying, “Can you see me???”  They have seen me since April, and I have seen changes, and I wondered who they saw…or what they saw…I asked some other things that I don’t remember right now, but it just popped out of me, like a check in with some “family”, how am I doing?

Right?

Well, as I was leaving, one guy who is super nice and writes very well, hollered out “Hey Charissa…I see you!

Awww…how nice, I thought…he wants to bless and encourage me.  I felt good about his kindness.

Well, last night the poem below hit my inbox…and I am sharing it here…whattya think, Constance…

does he see me???  (Hint…I cried for nearly an hour after I read it!)

 

July Fifth

Can you see me as I stand before you,
in all my beauty in all my array
or are you mistaking outsides for insides
the form for the function.
Can you see the true beat of my heart
the color of my stone
the color I am meant to be
not the one I am expected to be
by family or by society.

Looks can be so deceiving
when we all wear masks.

My mask is slipping
elastic worn out from too much use
from stretching itself for others.
Do you see it falling
revealing the heart dream desires
long suppressed
as I find myself
no longer in the corner where I was painted
but in the center of my universe.

Determinate

Do you see me now.
The sum of all the parts
Past, present and yes even the future.
That unknown space we all grow into
as we drift through time.

Can you hear me now,
when I whisper in your ear the secrets of a life
hidden so well it was more than forty years
before the key was found,
The secrets of the child full of wonder
before the layers of expectation began to form
like a hard crust around the soul
protecting it just as those layers also imprisoned it.

Can you touch me,
reach out in acceptance and love.
Even if you do not understand.
Even if you can not understand.
Allow me the dignity of choice.
Cradle me in your embrace
Keep me safe while I break free
While I am reborn

I stand before you naked.

Do you see me?

(by Vargus Pike)Processed with VSCOcam with lv01 preset

 

How to Stop the Stupid Debate About Taxpayer Dollars Funding “Sex Change” Surgeries – Top News – InsuranceNewsNet.com

Good Morning Constance…I liked this article, in that it helps educate about the reasons that SRS is desired by transgender people.

Know this:  while it is indeed an “elective surgery” in the sense that were the option available to me I would of my own free will gladly endure one of the most painful medical procedures there is, and then be set free from so many things, it is “elective” in the same sense as if your appendix had burst and needed to come out if you wanted to continue to live and you have the choice to accept surgery, or choose to take your chances of surviving without surgery.

That is not an over-dramatization!  As you read the article you will see various statistics detailing the threat that dysphoria is to the lives of transgender people and how that threat statistically diminishes to virtually nothing.  I think my analogy is very sound.

How can I explain what a terrible and unpredictable thing it is…go to bed feeling fabulous and content and wake up in the night skert, anxious, and so full of despair that you are still in prison, still under the ancient sun that rolls around the sky continually, and facing another day of work to simply regain the joy of the prior day…

The costs are literally miniscule compared to the overall costs of dealing with the results of the suicides (successful and non-successful attempts), not to mention the spiritual and emotional costs to the lives of those who love or are related to the trans gender person who is struggling.

Have a read…I think you will be enlightened a bit.  I know I was!

🙂

Love, Charissa

 

How to Stop the Stupid Debate About Taxpayer Dollars Funding “Sex Change” Surgeries – Top News – InsuranceNewsNet.com.