I just saw this quote…and I am crying, because this is me. While I am doing much better in self image, I still feel worthless a lot. But I do this…try hard to be kind and help cus I know the hell of not knowing anyone values you.
I have to post this, by Transgirl at the Cross.
It is about Robin Williams taking his own life, depression, and the disproportionately, tragically high suicide rate amongst transgender people.
Please know…this is real, the black hole that gapes, its teeth sharp and hungry and dully glinting in the dark. Its breath is foul, but its breathing is hypnotizing, intoxicating and seductive…
I know…I have been there, mesmerized in its presence and mind filled with visions of pain finally stopping and rejection finally ending and never ever feeling fractured and ugly and worthless ever again…I thank God for Their preservation! They were always there, protecting me, activating Their word within my heart, and ever always placing in my heart the faces of my beloved family. Haunted, remember?
If you are out there reading this, and you have despaired and given up, please…go see someone, call someone! Your brain chemistry is messed up and the cycle of thoughts and feelings and off balance chemistry feeds itself in an unholy fusion reaction od death. You will never regret walking away from that dark place…and even better, you will find out just how much you are loved and cherished.
If you are reading this, and you know someone who is in that place of horror, go to them! Take their hand, and lead them to a place that specializes in helping the despairing. You will be saving a life.
And if you are reading this, and you smirk in pride and lord it over the weak, then humble yourself, and fall on the Rock and be broken, lest the Rock fall on you and grind you to powder.
I am mourning tonight…weeping for Robin. He did a stint of rehab out where I live, and he is a cyclist, as am I. Word was he was out, riding…often. I used to pray that I would be able to run across him, and share with him the Love of Jesus the Merciful, and Lady Grace the Compassionate and the Father so Just and Pure.
I never did.
Now he is gone…and we are here, those who didn’t even know him and weep…and those who knew him deeply and fully, and feel as if they will never laugh again.
In Sorrow and Ashes,