I need my small, meaningless lies. I need all my self-created semi-truths.
It’s the only way for me to keep exclusive parts of myself to myself.
Believe me, I do not even perceive them as lies.
It’s something different that keeps happening inside my head.
At the same time, I long to tell you the truth about me, always.
I want to share with you each important or unimportant detail and feel and fully embrace the very act of sharing.
But it occurs to me that it’s the hardest of tasks; I hate it.
I hate unveiling bits and pieces of anything permanent or temporary that resides in me.
I loathe it with my heart.
You can find more honesty in the smallest of my gestures rather in my words;
my words are too impatient, too loose, too doomed in some way.
“Night. The stars and the moon impassive, undisturbed, eternal. A little of their impassivity flows into me. They are consoling. They reduce the intensity and acuteness of human sorrow. I feel less strangled, less oppressed.”
Anaïs Nin, from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 3: 1939-1944
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
ha!! HAH!! and undisturbed
stars are not
the space between
and don’t even
get me going
for the moon
and the stars
to heal us.
I have never encountered it before, but I have been told similar things before…accused of sincerity. Oh, and accused of being “enthusiastic” also. I cried when someone said that to me with the intent to injure me…until the Lady Grace directed me to go read the definition. It literally means “filled with God, infused with God”. I have proudly been sincerely enthusiastic ever since, in the most intentional of ways. 🙂
“I adore the struggle you carry in yourself. I adore your terrifying sincerity.”