Hanging here,
this moment,
this drifty-floaty
timeless moment,
timeless
like the moment just before
a leaf decides to let go
but the tree doesn’t yet know it,
so it waits, the leaf, it waits
to leave and never return.
It’s this moment, still,
between determined faith and action,
between sharp heart felt questions
(like whether God loves me or tolerates me, or cares or hears my prayers or is even near?)
and dark deep-felt screaming
despair unquestioning running
ragged and burning in flames
undulating from faith to action
shoving hard against paralysis.
This drifty floaty
timeless moment
lingers, lurches,
lunges, becomes
that drifty floaty
timeless movement
torn loose,
tossed down
spinning down
pinwheeling down
and it drops, it drifts,
it breaks and crashes, it dashes
into a thousand brilliant colors
and a million diamond drops
each and everyone shouting forever
I was!
I was, in my birth,
and I am!
I am in my courage
and I will be!
I will be
in the sea
and its salty desire, in the dirt
and its brown gritty tang,
in tree roots drawn up liquid again
from the ground to the limbs thru the leaves there to breathe
and to fly up and shine
in the glowing deep night
in the twinkle and tingling cold there to
glitter and shimmer like silver elixir
for seraphim thirsty in splendour…
slaking the thirst of angels…
stoking desire in God…
then, now
someday, now,
hanging in this moment
midst the fragrances of hope
and stormy lightning-strike ozone
stark and fresh and scintillating
in the stillness of the moment,
of the drifty-floaty moment
before movement,
this drifty-floaty timeless moment
Charissa's Grace Notes 
Perfect description of that feeling… It’s a bit scary because it doesn’t last forever and you don’t know when it will end. A sort of feeling of powerlessness and having to trust in the moment.
Thank you Sissa…it is also adjunctly related to autumn, and as I watch the leaves let go and float down, and then my lil pea brain started to whir and the metaphor clicked.
I hope in the promise of resurrection and I long to see the goodness of God in the land of the living, and I confess that my heart cries out and wants to be vindicated. And that is always dangerous! Woe unto us if we ever ever receive justice! But what happened feels so wrong and I feel so bereft and alone and at times very bleakly hopeless.
Like the trees already barren, I have to simply wait, trusting that the sap is just dormant and not gone.
oh…and wow the self image struggles these days…i avoid mirrors like the plague!
You’ve been knocked off your feet. It’s going to take a little while to get back up. Try to let things be for a little bit. I know that you are a do-er and it’s hard to not be doing something proactive. When the time comes for action and it is right, you’ll feel it.
So much Fall in the fall.
Loving the layers.
Seeking.
And.
Finding.
well, if i stand here in Grace Notes in honesty and uncovered, as I nearly always do, but even without modest shift or scant covering, then I am…still…still in this moment, this moment of “I am! I am in my courage”
because it is taking every molecule of it, just for the next breath