He/She…

…I was called this today. It wasn’t malicious in intent…but it was vicious in result.  Apparently this person had referred to me that way behind my back and felt guilty about it. So they confessed to me today…

The reason given?  Apparently they say that they “see Jesus in me so much that I am a “he” to the person. 

Hmmmmm. I wonder if she calls Beth Moore a he/she? Or any other woman leader in church?  There are a ton of cis-women far more full of Jesus than I.

But even more, I wonder: why even say that? Like it is so deadening, so numbing. And I feel empty inside already.

Thanks, person. You really must be lightened in your conscience, confession made straight to my face and words used 3 times in explaining why it’s okay.

But hey why should I care? I am dead so big deal. 

Honestly, sometimes I wish I were. So many lives would have so much less to deal with.tumblr_mwe8yxcZhZ1rouua1o6_1280

14 thoughts on “He/She…

    • Thank you so much…it made me cry what you said…cus I just cannot see it. Sometimes I feel Mama’s Beauty in me, thru me…and I feel beatified in the flow…but my actual self? Sob…for reals, it is so hard to see. Maybe it will be like “Til We Have Faces”, the CS Lewis book. Until then, I want to just wear a bag over my head.

      Thanks again for reading, cus it means so much that anyone even values what I have to say! ❤

      • No One has the right to define or diminish you…when people behave with intolerance they breed hatred…dig deep dear..you need to love yourself just as you are and know you are a gift to this world and worthy of love!!!

  1. My heart hurts so much. Just seeing that- “he/she”- it brings tears to my eyes. You are not dead to SO many of us and to those of us who care, you make a HUGE difference in our lives- not a little.

    Please don’t let small-minded ignorant people define you.

    • Thanks Kat…I try to remind myself of these things. Today, after? I just felt dead inside…cus this lady likes me, of this I am pretty sure. She was truly ignorant…but dang it, somehow she knew that what she said was wrong!

      Kat, I am a bit skert, cus I can feel my heart pulling away from feeling guilt over what I emailed you about…I did my best in that situation, not perfection but I gave all I could. And if certain ones are not grateful for that or fail to see that, well it is not really anything I can do anything about.

      And if I pull away, well, then I think it will be like a dying.

      • I can’t imagine the pain this has caused you. I think if you are pulling back from it, it’s your mind protecting you because it’s so much to deal with.

        This has all been such a short time. 3-1/2 years later and we are still dealing with some things as if Kris just came out last week.

        I’m always here and there- wherever you need me to be. A phone call, text, email or response away. 💓💓💓

  2. I just can’t believe that such words pass lips. It just hurts. And then your response hurts even more:

    “But hey why should I care? I am dead so big deal.

    Honestly, sometimes I wish I were. So many lives would have so much less to deal with.”

    If only you Knew who you are to the many.
    And who you are to me.

  3. Pingback: Fuzzy Friday (working title…or maybe not) | Dandelion Fuzz

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