Kat Got Your Tongue Challenge: Charissa-style

katgotyourtongue

Dear Kat:

Here is my entry regarding being an introvert or an extrovert.tumblr_nfbq5cJOnC1r2zs3eo1_500

So…introvert and extrovert have in my opinion been watered down to a mere personality style…if someone is outgoing, they are called and extrovert and if someone is not outgoing (for whatever reason:  shy, afraid, don’t talk much, there are many expressions of not being outgoing) then they are deemed an introvert.

But what about people like me?  People who have something inside that just cannot stay in no matter what?  I “Charissa” all around me like the sun shines when it is in view, cus it just does.  So I interact with people, I talk (HUSH Dani!  I heard you add in “and talk, and talk, and talk…” LOL!), I listen and ask questions, I comment on what I hear, I hug…with words and with arms and with prayers…I cry and laugh and jump up and down…I say silly things on purpose and accident…

…and I also hide behind all that.

Often.

When I am not aware, and am just me, it is always with people that I have chosen to trust, and that is me “without clothes”…and when I am hiding, it is then that all my “Charissa-ing” becomes my clothing, my fig leaves, my shields, my mazes and prevarications, my misdirections, my bowls of peanuts and appetizers to stave off those who have a bit of hunger for…something.

When I am at a party?  Introvert.  Deeply hidden behind many layers like a dancer before the Sultan powerful.

When I am speaking at an event or conference?  Introvert.  Pouring out the message I have, interacting with attendees after, being very present to give good things that last and remain…and deeply hidden.

Every person who meets me initially face to face calls me outgoing, or an extrovert, or some other iteration of that.

But is sunshine introverted…or extroverted?
Is wind extroverted…or introverted?
Is the river flowing or the brook babbling introverted?  Extroverted?

I do often feel judged and hurt when people blithely and unknowingly label me, categorize me…because here is a little known fact:  given that our society seems more “extroverted” as the article Kat links to says, it is far easier for an introvert to “dive in” to the extrovert world than it is for me to excuse myself and withdraw.

It’s like there is an expectation that becomes a demand that I perform, on cue, fulfill expectations and then all the world’s a stage…for them, sitting in the audience and being entertained.

But for me?  I see the wings, the fact that so much is props, I watch the hustle and bustle behind the curtains as production personnel make sure that the show goes on.

So if I decide to excuse myself, and swim in the depths of myself and there be at peace?  Oh!  The lines thrown in, the hooks gleaming sharp and shiny and the bait succulent and sweet, to catch my jaw and pull me out to shimmer and dance and flip around on the deck…no thank you, and then come depth charges…*boom* “where’s Charissa?”…*boom* “what’s wrong?”

You get the drift.

If I am in my most natural state, no question, there is a free flow, a being that is the embodiment of thinking long happened and parsed and an acting in sort of a foolish graceful spontenaity that has the uncanny knack of being just right.

But there is more to me than just that…and when you call me “extrovert”, then you will ever always get the peel and miss the orange within.tumblr_lzngspWFjP1qmvqj9o1_1280

Kat, what do you think?  Did I flow in the asked for prompt???