Last Post for Awhile…last request

Good Morning Constance…

Many of you have asked how I am doing…I am not the best one to ask…I have never been thru something like this.

My therapist early on asked me to consider domestic violence as a proper analogy for my last few years…and how would I counsel myself…well, however one who has been in a toxic relationship and gets out feels, that’s how I feel.

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Confused.

Betrayed.

Relieved.

Failure to finish the race I began.

Worthlessness.

Lots of waves pass over me, wash thru me, and my challenge is to distinguish between the waves and me, between the abuse and me, between the toxins and me…as I detox, dry off, and let the bruises fade and the broken bones heal.

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I am still gonna write…though my poetic muse is in one Munch-scream of agony and cannot stop shrieking.  The closest I can get to a poem is to comment on my sister’s beautiful poems, and be grateful they are sturdy enough to bear me away.

I will try to post pics and quotes…but I have been advised by wise, authoritative and capable people that the best move for me right now is to not post here.

I shall miss you all very much…

One thing I would be very blessed by, however…if you could find it in your busy schedules to start a dialogue over the “Charissa and the Dementors” posts…and comment on my questions and the “homework assignments” I posed.

That would be soo helpful to me.  I am particularly interested in comment from thoughtful and scholarly christian thinkers regarding the issues I poised there…

A. The issue of godly conduct towards others, particularly in the area of “correction” and “speaking the truth in love”, and how appropriate it is to issue said correction to complete strangers.

B.  The issue of using NT verses that are a listed compilations of various manifestations of a corrupt and unredeemed heart, all illustrative of the one thing that will get you to hell (that heart unredeemed)…and how the prurient item on that list captures all the hatred and rage in that it is easier to pin it on others and avoid the ways that the other ones have deadly life and are quite in play as qualities…even of redeemed hearts that are still in the shallows of the seas of sanctification.

C.  The issue of gender orientation and how, where, why, what, when…followed closely by the issue of transition

And then I would be interested in all points of view on the various things I was accused of.  I do not think that I am guilty of what the dementors allege…but then again I am inside me, right?

So…please pray for me, that I would receive wise counsel and that our actions would be fruitful…and if I am honest?

I truly desire that my actions for the last 10 years specifically and the last 33 years in general be vindicated, and my name cleared.

I took the name Charissa Grace, because I thought that it not only spoke to who I have already been, it points to who I want to be as well.

Pray that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living, for They have been nothing but good in my life.

In sorrow, turmoil, confusion, relief, and Hope…

Charissa

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4 thoughts on “Last Post for Awhile…last request

  1. I cannot speak to “scholarly Christian thoughts” but from a heart that aches for you and what you must be feeling. I have never questioned your faith for a second. I feel this blog has been a testament to the goodness in your heart, the quality of your character, and your commitment to staying true to your spiritual beliefs.

    You need to do whatever it takes to heal yourself. I hope you know that I am only a phone call, text, email away! Anytime- night or day! And I truly mean that. (Suffering from insomnia and having a grandchild due to be born soon makes me the most reachable person around!)

    Your presence is missed greatly! You are loved, ‘Rissa! -Kat

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