thank you kat…truth is, i don’t really know anything right now…except that i really ran into the reality of hatred face first.
i am trying to know Mama is here…trying to know that all essential things about me that WERE true ARE still true…but that is so tough right now, so tough.
so much good will come, but right now is ashes in the place of beauty, and mourning in my vial meant for the oil of joy, and a spirit of heaviness where there should be a garment of praise, and silence where there should be words, and words where they should have been silence…
kat, it was an awful dread everyday, but the fact that i feel so bereft and ashamed for losing my job just infuriates me…but there it is…
charissa the complete and utter total failure.
and yeah, i know in my rational self that is not the case, but what language does the rational self speak that the heart will acknowledge?
Charissa's Grace Notes 
I hope you know I’m not going anywhere.
thank you kat…truth is, i don’t really know anything right now…except that i really ran into the reality of hatred face first.
i am trying to know Mama is here…trying to know that all essential things about me that WERE true ARE still true…but that is so tough right now, so tough.
so much good will come, but right now is ashes in the place of beauty, and mourning in my vial meant for the oil of joy, and a spirit of heaviness where there should be a garment of praise, and silence where there should be words, and words where they should have been silence…
kat, it was an awful dread everyday, but the fact that i feel so bereft and ashamed for losing my job just infuriates me…but there it is…
charissa the complete and utter total failure.
and yeah, i know in my rational self that is not the case, but what language does the rational self speak that the heart will acknowledge?
It’s tealky hard to get the two connected- the heart just does not listen.
You have done nothing wrong.
Take the time yiu need to process your feelings. This is huge- you were there a long time.
Little mama is here to stay…big Mama is, too.
Hugs to you, sister. xo
My soul has roots in your heart.
I’m here.
To.
Stay.