Constance, I post this today with great soberness. I ran across this, and as I read it, I realized that I had been afflicted with all the warning signs…and yet I would not have considered myself “in danger”
I was fortunate that Mama protected me from myself, because I was foolish…I was indeed in danger, grave danger. I sought to cover these things up, because after all “a real man” is tough and steady and under control…
…and I was none of those things, just stubborn and too mule-headed to let despair win.
It was like my own lil insurgency against its dictatorial icy grip.
If you see these signs…do not hesitate to interact, but do it in love, exuding love, talking about how much the person means to you. If you are shrill or over-dramatic, it can drive the person to hide things.
Last…know…know that despair is palpable, monolithic and nearly overwhelming. It is different than being a lil sad, or being down because something went sideways. Despair can strike for no reason or rhyme, and this is one of the worst feelings, being in its grip when all evidence points to how you should be “just fine”…and when you aren’t, well it doubled down the burden and strife.
Have a care, Constance…and be courageous. Let love be your guide, let love be your tongue.