I had the most blessed opportunity over the weekend (I want to write about that, perhaps later).
I was at a wine event. Now Constance, as you know if you have read from the beginning, Wine is the central metaphor in life for me. And if you are a new Constance, I am considering posting about that metaphor again, as every time I write on that topic, I learn more and grow.
Anyway, what a wonderful time, and lo and behold I saw a winemaker whom I had been out of touch with for a couple years, primarily because of the wrenching and wrestling that I was undergoing as the Lord and Lady brought me back to myself and began to restore me to wholeness. They used work as their huge demolition tool, and what with all that coupled with my friend’s own business and some significant changes in her own life, we simply paddled down the river of life best we could with eyes only on the impending rapids seemingly always ahead.
We were happy to see each other, and as she is perceptive and highly intelligent, she figured out right away that I was very different. And, I admit that I was just a bit less veiled in my word choices as I spoke with her. The upshot is that we reconnected which is always good, but here is something that is great!
In email exchange, I finally had the chance to tell her how much I had esteemed her in my heart of hearts!
I had just written of friendship, and particularly how I had felt so cut off from female friends due to the gender binary enforcing upon me the role of my genetic sex (male). All interactions were laden with these directives, expectations, dictates and requirements! I could never just be myself and LIKE someone, lest confusion set in, or accusation rail down, or things be taken wrong…it was a mess!
And then after I got married, and most of that was laid to rest, there was then the so-called “problem of morality” of being perceived as a married “man” who was overly-friendly to women not his wife! The fear of being a creeper, or a horn-dog, or a rounder bound me up horribly and my heart ached.
And then worst of all, the women I esteemed the most tended to be within 10 years of the age of my mid-twenties daughters! Of course now I understand that, as I am emotionally around that age in my own truncated growth as a woman. But physically??? Well the permutations of creepy grew so quickly that I was nauseated at the very prospect of what others would think, and horrified that the girls I wanted to draw close to and imitate and learn from and hang out with and look up to would see some old letch!
Sigh. Sigh. Sob.
Thankfully, I am finally being restored to wholeness, and the timing of the opportunity to reconnect with my friend was brialliant! And I was so blessed with her words back to me, of acceptance (thanks for stressing that word dozens of times! LOL), affirmation, and vulnerability. This young lady is vibrant, visionary and valiant! She works closely with her father and also works on the side professionally. She is thoughtful and intelligent, considerate and strongly confident. She is sometimes sad and lonely inside, but finds strength and commitment to press on, knowing that tough times don’t last but tough people do.
She is just one of those people you want to hang out with…she cool!
Look around you today…there may be shy ones who long to leave the shadows and walk in the light…all they need is someone to hold their hand until they get their balance.
Blessings and Joy,